Apologizing does not mean you are wrong and the other person is right.
It just means you value your relationship more than your ego.
 

Hulen’s Hope

When I think of the time I spent at Hulen’s Hope, an Arizona recovery center for women, the three R’s come to mind – Realization, Rehabilitation, and Recovery. The center is a magnificent, safe place for women from every walk of life who have come to the realization that gambling had defeated them. I personally had tried arresting my addiction by means of self-control and different forms of therapy, with no avail. My family and I were at our wits end. They couldn’t understand why I just couldn’t stop, and I couldn’t understand why I couldn’t stop. Just like the other residents of the rehabilitation center, I reached out for help and found what I so desperately needed and prayed for. With the support of my family, I left my home and my two young children to venture into what I call, my journey of recovery.

During my stay at the rehabilitation center, I worked one-on-one with specialists in every area of body, mind, and spirit. Each member of the all-women treatment team played an essential role in beginning the recovery process. Every member of the team brought years of knowledge and wisdom specific to gambling addiction.

Along with my team, a great portion of my healing and recovery came from the phenomenal Gambler Anonymous program in Scottsdale and surrounding areas. I had never attended a meeting prior to my stay at the center, and I was astonished at the strength, honesty, and hope that I witnessed in each meeting room. I was welcomed into their community with open arms and feel very blessed to have acquainted so many remarkable people. They truly touched my heart and I believe that I made life-long friendships.

Rehabilitation is what I believe is the ultimate key to a successful recovery. I had to be taken out of my surroundings, where I could be totally devoted to me. When this occurred, I was able to focus on a variety of issues like the self-destructive thinking and actions that got me here. I also learned about forgiveness, and how to repair relationships, not only with others but with myself.

I have now returned home to begin my life as a recovering compulsive gambler. I received the tools that are vital to my recovery, and I believe that these tools will be indispensable not only in recovery, but in life.

I am a better person today than I was when I walked through the doors at Hulen’s Hope. I will forever be grateful to my treatment team and the members of GA for giving me the opportunity of self-discovery and growth as a recovering compulsive gambler and as a human being.

Brandi G., New Mexico

      

 Genuine Pleasure    by  Bobbe McGinley, Clinical Director-CEO of ACT

It’s that time of year where we receive and extend invitations for many different events. It may be just the right time to look at yourself, to begin to take a look at our own needs, and distinguish what is in your best interest! Now may be the best opportunity to view genuine pleasure as a path to see your authentic self and bask in the warmth of your soul’s smile. Our ability to just play is a very natural impulse but we no longer utilize that part of ourselves. We do not recognize the importance of playing, of relaxation, and of joy

Most of us cannot honestly think of activities that create those sensations in us. We are so tired at the end of the day, the week, the month, the year, that all we concentrate on is work and recuperation. Reviving yourself over the weekend so that you will be able to just work harder the next week is not relaxation, but more about survival. At some point, maybe now, we will understand that surviving is just not enough anymore.

Entertainment is all about . . . pleasure, enjoyment, and enthusiasm. As one of my friend’s daughters says, “Whatever fires your rocket.” What fires your rocket? Do you even know where you have hidden the rocket? It’s been a very long time since we could actually appreciate the phrase and respond that we encountered something that provided the amount of fun, excitement . . . that it fired our rocket.

Rather than concentrating on what we truly enjoy on free evenings and weekends, we try to achieve many other social goals and meet other people’s obligations. How many of your weekends turn into some sort of to-do list of social calls and obligations? Let’s be honest: many of us participate in activities because we should, because it’s stylish, because our friends do, or because we are incapable of saying no.

This type of pleasure deprivation leads to resentment; instead of enjoying yourself, you begin to feel sorry for yourself or put upon. Only you can free yourself from the trap of that kind of thinking. You will never begin to live joyfully until the day you stop seeing yourself as a martyr to your work, your family, or anything else in life.

The only person in all the world who can give you pleasure, or deny it, is yourself. No matter how much we love someone, the decision to experience pleasure, and to make room for it in our lives, is an internal one. If you are resistant, you could be around the most joyous people in the world and be completely miserable yourself.

Let’s begin to assess this in some easy steps to follow. Take a look at your definition of entertainment. Look through the pages of magazines, and catalogs. What is catching your attention? Images of movies, concerts, books, craft projects? There is no wrong way of getting yourself grounded in finding a pleasure for yourself. You are simply purging your preconceived notions of entertainment so you can open yourself up to find out what is truly the definition of fun for you. Cut out some of the images that bring a smile to your face. We are going to get in touch with our authentic self and hopefully become very delighted and pleased with what we find.

There is a connection between what entertained us as children and what entertains us currently. Were you a master at playing jacks? Did you entertain friends and family by putting on shows of some sort in the backyard as a child? Is the theater still a part of your life? If you have not been to a play in years, buy tickets to a local production, or volunteer to work behind the scenes on set designs or props at your children’s school, or the school in your neighborhood. You will be pleasantly surprised at how much joy you feel when you revisit old passions as an adult. If you loved painting, perhaps your joy can be re-awakened by working with your hands. You might enjoy tossing bread dough in the air, molding a pot, or creating jewelry out of beads you can buy at your favorite craft store.

But it isn’t just the big stuff, like theater and crafts, which entertain us. Think about past-times that were enjoyable memories for you, moments when you felt close to your authentic self. What were you doing? Were you standing on the beach, staring into the ocean? Taking a walk, alone or with a loved one? Maybe you love nothing better than curling up on the couch and getting lost in the latest offering of your favorite mystery writer. As you are recollecting what you enjoyed and have not indulged in, be aware of the sense of pleasure stirring through your body. You will realize which direction to take and how to bring yourself back to the simple pleasure of life and leave behind the current stress and pressure of your day.

I realize this is a radical idea, perhaps even a scary one. As strange as it may sound, most of us have to use self-discipline to learn or rediscover activities and pastimes that truly thrill our minds, hearts, and soul. Spirit has given us the unlimited capacity for joy specifically as a potion for the stress and pressure of everyday life, but only we can make sure that we take advantage of that wonderful gift.
 

Please: I have no more articles in my reserve so I desperately need three or four stories

for the October issue of Women Helping Women!

 

You can depend on me to keep you in living hell . . .

 

 

I've come to visit once again. I love to see you suffer mentally, physically, spiritually, and socially. I want to have you restless so you can never relax. I want you jumpy and nervous and anxious. I want to make you agitated and irritable, so everything and everybody makes you uncomfortable. I want you to be depressed and confused so that you can't think clearly or positively. I want to make you hate everything and everybody—especially yourself. I want you to feel guilty and remorseful for the the things you have done in the past that you'll never be able to let go of. I want to make you angry and hateful toward the world for the way it is and the way you are. I want you to feel sorry for yourself and blame everything but your addiction for the way things are. I want you to be deceitful and untrustworthy, and to manipulate and con as many people as possible. I want to make you fearful and paranoid for no reason at all and I want to wake you up during all hours of the night, screaming for me. You know you can't sleep without me; I'm even in your dreams.

I want to be the first thing you wake up to every morning and the last thing you touch before you black out. I would rather kill you, but I'll be happy enough if I can put you back in the hospital, another institution or jail. But you know that I'll still be waiting for you when you come out. I love to watch you slowly going insane. I love to see all the physical damage that I'm causing you. I can't help but sneer and chuckle when you shiver and shake, when you freeze and sweat at the same time, when you wake up with your sheets and blankets soaking wet.

It's amazing how much destruction I can do to your internal organs while at the same time, work on your brain, destroying it bit by bit. I deeply appreciate how much you sacrifice for me.

The countless good jobs you have sacrificed for me. All the fine friends that you deeply cared for . . . you gave them up for me. And for the ones you turned against yourself because of your inexcusable actions . . . I am more than grateful.

And especially your loved ones, your family, the most important people in the world to you. You even threw them away for me. I cannot express in words the gratitiude I have for the loayalty you have for me. You sacrificed all these beautiful things in your life just to devote yourself completely to me. But do not despair my friend, for on me you can always depend. For after you have lost all these things, you can still depend on me to take even more. You can depend on me to keep you in living hell, to keep your mind, body and soul. For I will NOT be satisfied until you are mine.

Faithfully yours,

Your addiction or drug of choice

Article submitted by Linda
 

 

 My name is Donna . . .

 

 

My name is Donna and I am a compulsive gambler . . . this is my story. I have been fighting depression since I was nineteen years old; I am now sixty. One month before my nineteenth birthday, I swallowed 100 Librium capsules and went to sleep on my uncomfortable army cot. I woke up about a week later in Kirk Army Hospital. I saw the lights at the end of the tunnel . . . but it wasn’t my time. I spent the next five years with more suicide attempts, in and out of hospitals. The depression was as devastating as compulsive gambling. The depression eventually got under control so I could live a fairly normal life.

My husband and I took a weekend trip to Atlantic City and this was where the gambling began. When I wasn’t bowling I was at the machines. I only played two quarters at a time. We were there for three days and I gambled all day and most of the night. I left Atlantic City with 300 dollars more than I took there, and paid for the hotel and food. How great was that?

I began going to the casino once a month by bus. I’d work all night and sleep on the bus and gamble until I couldn’t see, walk or stand. Sometimes I’d win. Then my gambling progressed to twice a month. By now I got smart and flew to Atlantic City at 6:00am. I flew back at midnight, went home and to bed as usual. Soon I was going every week. I worked seventy-two hours so the bills would be paid and I had my gambling money. I really was tired from all the time spent traveling to gamble. Now I’m going an average of once a week. At this point I knew I had a gambling problem . . . I did not care.

Foxwoods Casino in Connecticut opened and I thanked God. I live in Rhode Island so the drive was only fifty minutes. I was all set now, my home away from home. I’m not even sure when Foxwoods opened but they only had about ten machines and people stood in line for hours waiting for their turn. Very soon more and more machines were installed. You could actually see the money while losing it. I was at the casino as often as possible. Then the depression returned. I was working like a slave, falling asleep at the slot machine at 4:00am, and credit cards and line of credit maxed out. Now what? I was in a constant depression but still able to cover it up because I was able to work and function. Somehow I managed to pay off a $25,000 line of credit. But you can be sure that I had a plan if it got too bad. There was always suicide.

Then the Twin River Casino opened ten minutes away and I practically lived there. I can’t even begin to estimate how much time I spent there. The machines were so much fun, how could I leave? I was earning $90,000 a year and that wasn’t enough. I couldn’t work longer hours unless I gave up sleep all together. I always had a plan. I thought about buying a gun, but that would be embarrassing to my family. If I took pills, my grandchildren might find me. I thought about hiring someone, but I didn’t know anyone that would do it. I guess I really didn’t have a plan.

The only illegal thing I ever did was bounce a couple of checks for $500 at the Foxwoods casino. A couple days later, I drove there with the money and paid them back. I thank GOD I was able to take care of the issue because I don’t think I could do prison time.

On May 25, 2011, I signed a self-exclusion from Twin River Casino for one year and the very next day I drove to Foxwoods with my last one hundred dollars. On Memorial Day I was on-line trying to find a way to make Twin River Casino revoke my self-exclusion. I started looking up problem gambling on the computer and found a site with a phone number to a man named Arnie with a message CALL ME. I wasn’t ready for that.

Arnie put me in touch with three female gamblers and I emailed them my story. They replied quickly with all kinds of information, support and their stories. It is a terrible thing that the gambling I loved so much caused so much pain for so many people. It is not particular who it destroys, it doesn’t matter how rich, poor or intelligent you are. NO ONE is excluded from the POWER OF GAMBLING.

Well I went to my first GA meeting and I cried. I have an appointment with a doctor at the Problem Gambling Treatment Center.

Surprisingly enough, at the meeting I was able to briefly tell my story. I am really glad I went. If you told me a week ago that I'd be doing this I would have said you were nuts. If you had told me this yesterday morning when I couldn't even talk about it, for sure you'd be nuts. I have to tell you that between yesterday and today I'm mentally exhausted. Tommorrow will be my first paycheck that I won't be trying to pay bills and make sure there was at least $200 for gambling. I'll keep my fingers crossed that I can go one more day without gambling. I'm overwelmed as everything is happening so fast.

Thank you again,

Donna, Rhode Island

                            

 Hulen's Hope Opens!                        

  (Click on logo or slogan for more information.)

 

Hulen's Hope in Scottsdale, Arizona, the first gambling specific treatment center for female problem and compulsive gamblers in the United States, is now open! The treatment center is dedicated to the memory of Don Hulen, whose support and understanding of the female gambler will never be forgotten. 

Hulen's Hope offers women an environment where they can focus on their own recovery. Women need a specialized program to build sustained recovery from gambling and any underlying issues. At Hulen's Hope, we provide a program design specifically for female problem and compulsive gamblers.

This program offers mental health services through ABC Wellness Centre, financial services, spiritual counseling, health and fitness programs, access to Gamblers Anonymous meetings, vocational services, and a women mentoring women format.  If you would like more information about the admissions criteria or would like to schedule an assessment please contact Jolene Baney at (480) 381-6733 or jobaney@cox.net.

 

 

Gripped by Gambling  (The book is now available on Kindle)

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