Volume No. I, Issue No. 2                                                           May 1999
THE TALKING STICK

One weekend in April, Paula, Kim S. and I, went to Payson for a women’s retreat. We were introduced to an old Indian custom where tribal members used a talking stick during important discussions. The stick made from dried Copado or Quiska cactus from Chile, is also known as a rainstick. Small pebbles tumble over the thorns which have been pressed into the sides of the hollow shaft of the cactus in a spiral design. When a rainstick is turned upside down, the pebbles run through the shaft producing a soothing sound which simulates the sound of rain falling.

Even before the birth of Christ, South Americans played rainsticks to remind the spirits that the rain from heaven was welcome. Some tribes passed the talking stick around during important discussions. The stick allowed the speakers to express themselves completely and from the heart; it obliged the listeners in the same way.

We brought a talking stick to the women’s meeting when we came back from the retreat. As each member shared, everyone’s attention remained completely on the speaker and no one left the circle or interrupted the speaker. We could feel the positive energy in the room. ------------Marilyn Lancelot

CRIES, WHISPERS, & GIGGLES

When I signed up for the Women’s Em-powerment Retreat in Payson, I didn’t realize my Higher Power was working in my life. When I received the homework questions for the retreat, I thought it was coincidental that the topic was fear vs. faith and that the questions were related to how one’s Higher Power was working in one’s life on a daily basis. It wasn’t until I actually attended the retreat that I found my answers.

You see, I had been stuck on Step 3 in the GA Program for quite some time. Step 3 is "Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of this Power of our own understanding." In the religion I was raised in, my God was a wrathful, vengeful, punishing God. Hellfire and damnation were pounded into my head, and I couldn’t see myself turning my power over to that God.

At the retreat I connected with a loving, caring God. We took part in Native American rituals or ceremonies that were very spiritual. Fourteen women, all of whom were involved in one 12-step program or another, came together and bonded. We shared pain and joy, fears and faith, tears and laughter, and counted on the strength of each other in our discussions and ceremonies. For the first time in my life I felt peace and serenity. I had always believed true serenity could only come with death, but I found I was wrong.

Since returning from Payson, I have been able to do Step 3. I know Step 3 is a daily, continuing commitment, and it will take a while walking side by side with my Higher Power, to become a habit. With the help of prayer, the strength and bonding of the Women’s Meeting and the GA program itself, I know I can succeed. God is on my side and he sent me to the Women’s Retreat to find that out. Miracles do happen in this program. --------Kim S.

LET THE CIRCLE BE UNBROKEN

The healing power of the circle was brought back to me at the women’s retreat Marilyn, Kim and I attended. We did an exercise where we practiced directing energy first to our right then to our left around the circle. It wasn’t our imagination, we could feel it! Lately we have had the enviable "problem" of having so many women at our women’s meeting (20-25) that at times we find ourselves in two rows. And I can feel the energy drain when we choose that arrangement. During the week-end we did everything in our talking circle. It convinced me we should do everything possible to protect the literal circle.

"Talking" is one of the Native American healing traditions. Most of us have experienced the cleansing nature of "talking it out." The idea of the "talking circle" is that the other members of the circle will direct their energy toward you to enable you to find the wisdom to speak your own truth and be healed.

Since our return, I have tried to focus my attention, thoughts and energy on the person who is talking at the time instead of thinking about what I want or need to say. I have tried not to be distracted with my coffee or trying to find something at the bottom of my purse while someone is speaking. I have gained a deeper reverence for my responsibility to the group as an active listener and encourager. When my time comes, I trust the attention and energy of those who have focused on me to help me "say my truth." What we do for ourselves and each other in our circles is sacred work. I knew that, but the retreat helped me re-dedicate myself to honor all of us as we do our healing work. -------------- Paula Burns

ABSTINENCE vs. RECOVERY

Abstinence is stopping gambling with no pleasures or rewards. Some members call it "white knuckling." There are no personality changes. We’re miserable and so is everyone around us. We must first have abstinence before we can begin to work on recovery but once we experience recovery, we’re grateful. The difference between abstinence and recovery is as noticeable as the difference between ego and humility, negative and positive thoughts, fear instead of faith, and misery or happiness. To begin to recover we have to turn to page 17 in the Combo Book and work the program. We have to work the steps and we have to live them as well. We have to not only talk the talk, but walk the walk. Recovery from this disease progresses in stages and each of us recovers in her own way. Some stages we may go through are:

DENIAL - The psychological process that makes the disease possible and which increases with the progression of the disease, but lessens as we progress through the stages of recovery.

ADMISSION - Confessing that there is a problem, but denial is still strong. Because we are in a program, we discover a healthy interruption of the pattern of this addiction.

COMPLIANCE - An attitudinal change. There is no longer any doubt about the seriousness of our addiction. We come to grips with the fact that we have a disease and we have an intellectual acceptance of addiction, but we lack the emotional acceptance.

ACCEPTANCE - Emotional acceptance and continued reduction of denial. Significant, positive attitude changes occur, including greater spontaneity, more openness, and a greater degree of self-motivation and responsibility.

SURRENDER - May take many months or even years. Surrender is an inner experience which is difficult to understand before it begins. The positive signs of progress in Acceptance are still present in Surrender. The intense emotions that come with Acceptance are replaced by a realistic awareness of the difficulties ahead, especially day-to-day realities that must be planned for. The person begins to be in true balance emotionally, physically, and spiritually.----------Marilyn Lancelot
                                   WOMEN TO WOMEN
     ON THE ROAD

During the last year, Marilyn and I have attempted to take education and awareness to women in a number of places in our state where compulsive gambling is a problem yet where women are having trouble staying in recovery programs. Although these are not GA "events", (they are sponsored by the Arizona Council on Compulsive Gambling) we always visit GA meetings in these towns and hope that women’s meetings will spring up in out-lying areas. Because women did not stay in GA in Phoenix until a woman’s meeting began, and the success of women during the last 7 years has been so great, we cannot help feel there is a correlation.

A year ago we had twelve women come to our first seminar in Tucson. As a result of that, Robin R. of Tucson began a women’s meeting there. Sandra G. helped with that event. Since then we have been to Bullhead at the invitation of United Way and we have been to Prescott twice. Most recently, Sue Marsh, director of the Yavapai Women’s Center co-sponsored a Women Helping Women event. Sandra G. and Laura R. accompanied me. Women continue to struggle all over our state and in many small communities there are no meetings. We have plans to be in Lake Havasu in Sept. and Sun City in October. ------Paula Burns
The brook would lose its song if the rocks were removed. -----Anonymous
 
Don’t make me come down there. ----------God
 
I was raised to sense what someone wanted me to be and be that kind of person. It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else’s eyes.------------Sally Field