Women Helping Women wishes you a Happy Holiday!

Randi, Florida   (This is the second part of a two-part article, the first half was in the November issue.)  

 

But then ------ In between the Seminole madness I continued to plan vacations around gambling. The Bahamas, Las Vegas, and Lake Tahoe Nevada. Lake Tahoe 1997 was a date that would forever change my world. My husband showed me how to play blackjack. I managed to master this game in such a way I became obsessed. Oh the sound of the cards flipping out of the shoe. My blood would start to boil. The dealer couldn't shuffle those cards fast enough. The outcome was very grim to say the least. My husband was headed back to our room and insisted that I retire as well but I couldn't get off my chair. I told him I would be up in a few hours. The hours turned into several. I wasn't giving up. I took my last marker of $1000 and decided to run it up in the pit where the high rollers played. I thought of myself as a big shot and I was the queen of mean. I remember sitting next to one guy who smelled so badly from beer and smoke. The dealer began to deal and I couldn't loose one hand. One blackjack after the other. Before I knew it I had $50,000. The dealer said Ms. don't you think it's time you got up. I replied what are you joking? He then said why press your luck? I finally listened and got up but not until I tried my luck at another table. So I lost back 10,000. Then I went up to my room and left the chips by my husbands night stand. I wanted him to awaken to that stack of chips. I wanted him to be proud of my accomplishment. In retrospect I can't believe this was an accomplishment when it gave me so much pain and sorrow. Unfortunately this was a prelude to my destruction.

On September 11, 2001 I sat at a machine playing and had turned my cell phone off as I usually did. I never wanted anyone to know where I was or what I was doing. My life was a secret. No one had any indication I was sick. So I thought. But they all knew. I just thought in my sick mind they didn't. I turned my head to look up at the TV and noticed that the World Trade Center had been attacked. And went right back to playing the machine. Then I looked up again and noticed the other building was also attacked. At no time did I panic or feel anything. Another human being next to me could have dropped dead and I wouldn't have cared. I don't know what possessed me to turn on my cell at that point but I did. I must have had 20 messages to pick my children up from school due to the school being locked down. I finally stopped my gambling and ran out to the school. I walked in and what I saw was the most unforgettable sight ever. Both my kids crying that they were the only ones left at the school. My heart started to pound like a drum and I thought I was having a heart attack. My kids cried all the way home and so did I. I was so ashamed and scared. But that didn't stop me from going back the next day. I felt like a zombie and a coward. I had no remorse and didn't even care about my actions.

I continued on my path of destruction until December 22, 2001. I made a plan to sell all of jewelry and withdraw every dollar to feed my disease. I physically was drained and mentally I was insane. I never ate just smoked and drank either alcohol or a coke. On December 23, 2001 I had to confess to my husband what I did again. But this time he had his hands around my throat and at that point I decided I needed to go for help. I entered a rehab with the help of a dear friend. But this rehab was not for gambling it was for drug addiction and alcohol. I didn't even care. I packed up and placed the call and admitted myself alone. I stayed there for six days and only wanted to breathe. I came out after Christmas and asked someone to assist me in finding help outside. I started AA first and then realized that could not help me. So I was sent to GA. I walked into my first meeting on January 21, 2002. I can't begin to tell you the emotions that I had I was so devastated and in such shock. I couldn't speak. I went to another meeting on January 24, 2002. That room saved my life and I attended three meetings a week and surrendered completely!! I remember saying I never want to change my date and that I would live one day at a time with the help from my GA friends. I also took to the program quickly and believed in a higher power within one year. I was told to keep my mouth shut and just listen which was one of my character defects. I always had to open up my mouth and insert foot. Almost every time I did that, I paid for it.

In May 2008 I relapsed and I couldn't believe after six and a half years in this amazing program I screwed up everything I had worked so hard on. I went back out to a casino under the right set of circumstances as said in the book. I can not excuse the fact that I did what I did. But I do know that there were many things that started to develop way before I went back to gambling. I went back to the meetings on my own and was given a sponsor and I am moving forward again with no regrets. I pray daily to my higher power and God. I make telephone calls consistently and I get involved. Unlike before. I am ninety days clean and grateful and I accept and don't expect. I read the one day at a time book daily and it always hits home. This disease does not discriminate and there is a better way of life if you want it.

Thank you Marilyn for opening your heart and soul to me.

Randi
Florida

THE ORCHID DRUG REHAB FOR WOMEN

If you decide that you need help with your addiction, make sure to take the time to research your options fully. Consider treatment facilites that specialize in addiction treatment for women, or simply search for treatment options online.

Whitehaven Gardens   (A seven-part serialized novel – Part 1)   By Tim Falkiner ©

Women Helping Women is pleased to announce it will publish in serialized form a short novel titled: “Whitehaven Gardens”.  The novel is written by Tim Falkiner, an Australian lawyer. It tells of a young girl, Judith, whose mother becomes addicted to slot machines. The mother’s strange behaviour starts Judith and her school friends on a journey of discovery. The novel was inspired by the daughter of a slot machine problem gambler. It gives a glimpse into the feelings of vulnerability, pain, bewilderment and helplessness suffered by these growing numbers of children. Perhaps this series will encourage some children of problem gamblers to come forward with their stories.

Chapter 1 - Troubled

Polly was crying again.
I put my arm around my younger sister, ‘What’s up, Pol?’
‘She wasn’t home again when I got back,’ sobbed Pol.
I was only a year older than Polly but I’d always looked after her. When Dad died in a work accident, I’d more or less taken over from Mum, looking after Pol and Buddy, our little brother. Perhaps this took my mind off Dad and helped me. I certainly coped better than Mum.  Dad had been gone two years now, and I’d been hoping we’d soon be back to normal. It would never be the same of course. Running to the door when Dad came home. Playing games at the weekend. Feeling loved and secure. His woollen coat.

It wasn’t till he was gone I realized how precious it was and how happy we’d been. Now things were going wrong again. And the hardest thing was I just didn’t know what was happening. As I explained to Lucy at morning recess, ‘In a way this is worse than when Dad died. At least then I knew what the trouble was. But something is happening to Mum and I don’t know what it is. I haven’t a clue what to do.’  Mum had never recovered from Dad’s death. The first shock had worn off and been replaced with a dull ache. At least she had kept her job at the bank. That was more important than ever now. Each night, though, she would drag herself home, silently make us supper, kiss us good night and go to bed early. Although she was sad, she still loved us dearly and her love for us was beginning to heal her loss.  Until about six months ago. I told my close friends, Lucy and Edith about my worries.
 

‘What’s changed, Judith?’ That was the good thing about Edith. Of the whole class, Edith was the most logical. I gloomily counted off on my fingers. ‘She is very late getting home. She is evasive about where she has been. She is crying again at night, like when Dad died. She is looking shabby and she sometimes smells of smoke.’

‘She--’ Lucy hesitated, and then suggested; ‘she may…she may have met someone.’ She glanced at me to see my reaction. Unlike Edith, who is dark haired and  quick to plunge into sensitive areas, blonde, placid Lucy takes the role of peacemaker, giving in to others and always trying to get everyone to agree with each other. Those who don’t know her regard her as being a bit of a doormat. But she acts the way she does simply because she wants everyone to get along together. So it was hard for Lucy to voice the thought that had been at the back of my mind for the last month.

‘Yes,’ I’d murmured.  It was difficult, so soon after Dad’s death. But lots of students at school had step-parents and if someone else would make Mum happy, well, it would be difficult but we would cope. But why didn’t Mum bring him home? What was wrong with him? Was she ashamed of him? And Mum was unhappy. Sometimes she would fly off the handle and scream at us. Particularly if we asked her where she’d been. At other times she would hug us close and ask us to forgive her. But for what? She had never done that before. It scared the hell out of Buddy who would run to his bedroom and lie under the bedclothes, sobbing.  I had an image of a looming dark shape, black whiskers, stale tobacco.

Chapter 2 - Action
 

A week later, it was a Monday, Lucy, Edith and I sat on the edge of the oval eating lunch. We had half-an-hour until classes resumed.
‘It seems to me,’ said Lucy, ‘you ought to try and get a look at him.’
‘I would come,’ said Edith, ‘but I can’t get away from home that late.’
Lucy, like Edith, had to be at home before five o’clock in the evenings so it was agreed I would have to follow Mum by myself and see what this man was like. I didn’t want to, but what choice did I have? How could I stop Mum from seeing me? What would the man look like? Where did they go? What was he doing to Mum to make her so unhappy?
~~~
The bank branch at which Mum worked was located in a shopping centre. I stood behind a pillar a few shops away and waited. At 5 o’clock Mum left the bank by a side door and walked to the bus stop. Shortly after, she caught a bus travelling south down Argyle Road.
~~~
No sooner had I arrived at school on Tuesday than I was eagerly questioned by my friends.
‘What was he like?’ Lucy.  I explained what had happened and how Mum had caught the bus.
‘Judith,’ said Edith as I finished my very brief report, ‘what bus did she catch?’
I hadn’t noticed. Obviously, I wasn’t a natural detective. But I don’t give up easily and that afternoon I resumed my post. Things went the same as the day before. Mum left the bank at five o’clock and stood on the bus stop. The bus arrived. Mum got on. The bus drove off south. This time, though, I took the bus route number. I also got wet; it was raining.
~~~
That night, as on most nights, Mum got home after I’d fallen asleep. I’d told Polly what we were doing and this seemed to cheer her up a little. We both spent a lot of time fussing over Buddy. Thank goodness he was going off to school each day. Mum, as usual, was red-eyed and silent in the morning.
~~~
On Wednesday morning I was again questioned by the others. It was agreed the problem we had was how could I find out where Mum got off the bus when I couldn’t get on the bus without her seeing me? It would, as Lucy reasoned, have been all right if we could have got someone else to get on the bus, someone Mum didn’t know, but we didn’t want to bring in anyone else. Lucy or Edith would have been better than me but they couldn’t get away. Edith applied her logic.  ‘Okay. So you can’t get on the bus with her. But is the bus very crowded and where does she sit?’
 

I didn’t know what she was getting at but played along, ‘It isn’t really crowded. Both times she just got in at the front and sat down near the entrance.’ ‘Perhaps she doesn’t go very far,’ I added.

‘Tomorrow, why don’t you get on the bus at the stop before and sit down at the back?’ Edith asked.
‘Yes, and I’ll bring you a coat with a hood, so she won’t recognize you!’ added Lucy.
‘And you get off at the stop after,’ finished off Edith.
~~~
It was hard doing nothing that night; just doing the normal things.. At least I’d more time to catch up on my homework and I was able to help Polly collect Buddy from school. Buddy needs all the mothering we can give him. It was also hard on Polly. She wanted to come on these ‘expeditions’ but she had to look after Buddy.
~~~
Thursday afternoon and I was standing on the bus stop in Argyle Road, north of the shopping centre where Mum worked. I was wearing Lucy’s coat with the hood and felt quite hot though I had stuffed my windcheater in my schoolbag. The bus arrived on time and I sat up at the back on the right and kept my head down. I felt rather ashamed and silly, but what else could I do?  Mum got on the bus when it stopped at the shopping centre a little after five o’clock. She didn’t even look around before sitting down. She’d been like that lately, absent, absorbed in her own thoughts.

I didn’t know how far our journey would last, but I’d been right when I guessed she only traveled a short distance. The bus trundled south down Argyle Road stopping occasionally to drop off and pick up passengers. It stopped where Argyle Road crossed another major road, Lennox Road, and Mum got out. She stood on the kerb, waiting for the lights to change so she could cross Lennox Road. The lights changed and the bus continued on its southward journey. I looked quickly out to see where Mum could be heading. There was a big sprawling hotel complex, Whitehaven Gardens, on the south of Lennox Road and really nothing else nearby other than low office buildings and warehouses.
~~~
‘Well done, Judith!’ Edith congratulated me on Friday morning, trying hard to conceal her satisfaction with the success of her plan. Her triumph soon faded as she examined my face. ‘I’m sorry. Are you all right?’ She turned to Lucy.
‘Come and sit down. You’ve gone quite pale,’ said Lucy who, though not as academically bright as Edith, was better at understanding my feelings.
‘I don’t know if I can go on with this,’ I murmured.
‘You have to find out,’ said Edith, ‘what choice have you got?’
I looked at Lucy. Lucy looked thoughtful. ‘Yes,’ she said simply. She looked at me and nodded slowly, ‘Yes, you have to find out. You can’t go on not knowing.’

The bell rang for first class.

(The novel contains fourteen chapters and it will be serialized over seven months with two chapters being published each month.)

  

    Gripped by Gambling  

 

Hi Marilyn,

I wanted to thank you so much for everything that you have done for women struggling with a gambling addiction.  You don't know me, but I have visited women helping women web site for many years.  I first visited the site when I was living in Tucson, Arizona and struggling with my gambling problem.  I continued to gamble, but I continued to read all the articles , stories on the site.  During half hearted attempts at quitting, I continued to turn to help sites.  Several years later and a relocation back to my home Philadelphia, (and a descent into hell)  I finally placed my last bet on Set 24, 2004.  With your site and GA I finally feel content in my life.  I just got your book and am 3/4 through and I had to stop to e-mail you and thank you.  You may not know me, but you help me every day .

 

 Your sister in recovery,

 Lisa K.,  Philly, Pa

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