Comments

Linda ARIZONA

Arizona

12/20/09

I have been so busy lately trying to catch up with everything for Christmas. I usually start in September, but with no income due to my quitting my job and taking so long to get another, I feel like I have been on a treadmill. Got all the presents paid for and wrapped and am ready for the big day now. Learning a new job and all that that entails, also took the wind out of me. Been 18 years since I had to do that.

I am still gambling free and enjoying it more! Have seen the difference in my attitude about so many other things since I have gotten into a routine of spending time with the Lord and just being grateful for all I have and the blessings He showers on me daily. Nothing huge, just little reminders that He is there for me at every turn. I could not do all this without Him.

I am going to wish you now a very Merry Christmas as I am working the next few days and not sure when I will be online again. Don't spend too much time there right now. You are definitely one of the blessings God has bestowed on me. And thank you. Was so glad I got a chance to see you in Phoenix.

Love to all and again, have a great, blessed Christmas!! Linda

Carol K. GEORGIA

Georgia

11/06/09

My tenth G.A. birthday is coming....December 1st. hope some of you will celebrate. I cannot believe 10 years have passed since I walked into a meeting in Tucson. G.A. has been a great gift and helped me to join the recoverers I love...I learned so much. My life is better and I handle much more disappointments and sadness than before G.A.

Thank all of you who contributed to my recovery.
May you be blessed.
Love, Carol K.

Isia POLAND

Poland

8/24/09

While waiting for a month for a new Issue of WHW, I read articles over and over again. And each time I pay attention to something else.
Tonight I paid special attention to this line:

"Well, it took me almost 7 years later to finally have the courage to write my story. Thank you for allowing me to share with you."
Rina L., Santa Monica, CA

Dear Rina, thank you from all my heart. Sharing like yours saves lives all over the World.
Isia

Monica ARIZONA

Arizona

8/7/09

Good Morning Ms. Lancelot:

My name is Monica and I'm so grateful to God I'm a recovering Compulsive Gambler. I see myself as a "New Born" but so much alive. I first ran across your website in March 2009 and at that time is was extremely painful to review the comments as I was distraught, ashamed and very scared. I'm in the very same situation as detailed in your book. I was released from jail March 11th and attended my first meeting March 12th where "Sue" handed me a card for GA Treatment and that was one of the best sound and logical decisions I made in quite some time. I started treatment March 16th and completed May 2009 but choose to remain for therapeutic services. I have upcoming court dates, plea agreements to attend to ect. but I'm in such a better place than I was 149 days ago. I finally opened my eyes and reached out to the only power that could save me from myself and I can only praise God above for his mercy and grace. Soon I began to see and allow family and friends to love and support me. Of course they did not understand "my gambling addiction" but saw past and just swarmed me with love.

It is a day by day affair for me however I'm pleased to say at this time I don't have the urge or desire to revisit where I was for the past four years. I spent four days with Arpaio and that was enough for me but I also can relate to the deep pain of removing yourself from this earth. I know there is a bottom for us with an addiction and there's also a basement to the bottom - death.

I've read many comments thanking you for your courage to share and strength to continue encouraging women like me who are addicts to move forward. The extreme shame, worthlessness and feeling alone are the most smothering emotions I felt. Once you begin to peel them away each day gets a bit better.

May God continue to bless and watch over you and all those just like us.

Thank you.

Sharon SCOTLAND

Scotland

7/10/09

Hi Marilyn,

Managed to watch your Youtube trailer and it was fantastic. Hope you manage to get this message to as many people as possible about the effects of this secret sneaky addiction.

I started Alanon now, as well as GA and have found life a lot easier to handle. Started to look at my part in my relationship with my daughter so I can now cope with it better.

Started a diet too. I have lost 17.5lbs still have a lot to do. Have good days and bad days with this but know there is no hurry as long as I have the desire to lose the weight, I have a chance.

My health is still not too good. Everything seems to be going smoothly, now that I have focused on what I can change and stopped looking at everything I cannot change. I thought I was here about 2 years ago but could not see the woods for the trees. Happy where I am today. Still work in progress but at least moving forward and not stuck in the past with nightmares I cannot change, facing the dreams of the future, always aware that there are going to be obstacles that I need to face head on. My diversions are learning steps of life and my goals and dreams can be changed at any time depending on what is happening around me.

What a difference having this freedom. My higher power can guide me, can help me see things that I was distorting. He helps me look at what I have done and not what others did to me. This way I can cope and not blame.

Catch up soon, my sister in recovery.

Love Sharon in Scotland

June VIRGINIA

Virginia

7/8/09

Marilyn, I can't thank you enough for your wonderful web site. It has been my lifeline for the last three weeks. It's amazing the pain and agony a compulsive gambler experiences. I've read and re-read every article on the web site over the last few months, but it was you kindness to a stranger when you e-mailed me your book that has really helped me understand that I'm not alone with this problem.

My heart really goes out to Carmen, but I really know where she's coming from and I hope everything gets better for her in the future. Thank you for being the special person that you are and may you be blessed in everything that you do.

Love ya

June

Lisa MICHIGAN

Michigan

7/6/09

Dear Marilyn -
I just wanted to let you know I'm coming up on my 11 month anniversary of no gambling. I can't remember the last time I could say that, but it was a very long time ago. I went a little over a year without gambling twice in my 15-year gambling career and then went back out again.

This time I don't really think about my sobriety in a timeline way; only just to keep people updated. It isn't really the time that is important. It is the restoration of a real life that counts. Time is of no significant because if you gamble again, your time abstaining is gone in an instant and you will be worse off than the last time.
So I just wanted to touch base because you are a huge comfort and support to me. Chapter by chapter you sent me your book and as I read each one my life was a tiny step closer to abstinence.
I will always be grateful to you -- Lisa

Eileen MISSOURI
Missouri
7/6/09

I'm glad I found your website. It is truly encouraging to hear success stories about women in recovery. I sooo wish I could fast forward to be whole again! Less than a week ago all I wanted to do was die-I think I have finally hit my "bottom". If I don't go to jail it will be a miracle. I have no job, no car and 30 days to get out of my house-all due to a severe addiction to slot machines. I have absolutely no self-respect. I don't know what to do next - it's all pretty overwhelming. I will continue to read the Newsletter articles and comments to gain as much positive reinforcement as possible. Thanks for being there! You have my permission to use my comments in the newsletter. There are GA meetings around here. I haven't been to one in several years - there was very little experience with abstinence from what I could gather when I went before. I also think I was seriously in denial that I had a real problem. I went because others thought I had a problem and I wanted to appease them. When I am able to get transportation, I'll give the meetings another try. Missouri also offers free counseling for residents - not sure if it's just one visit or several. That's another thing I'll put on my agenda. How can I get a car without a job? How do I get a job without a car? This is the riddle I've created for myself...Thanks for providing a place to share thoughts and kind words. Eileen in Missouri

Cathy MISSOURI
Missouri
7/3/09
Hi Marilyn - Thanks for the reminder about the newsletter. I will read it tonight! I thought of you a few weekends ago. Kind of 'out of the blue', I had a great urge to fly to Las Vegas for the weekend and gamble! It really caught me off guard. As you know, I put myself on the self-exclusion program here in Missouri, so I can't go to any casinos here and haven't really even thought once in the past 3 and 1/2 years that I have been gamble free about doing this. The urge was so strong, had it not been for the support of my counselor, I know I would have gone. I have your book, but had loaned it to my sister who also has a problem with gambling, but I did look at some of the notes I had written while reading it and they were a great help! Does the desire ever go away completely? I am so thankful that I didn't go!! Thanks for helping me without even knowing you were helping me! Have a good evening. Cathy

Isia POLAND Poland 7/3/09 Thank you for WHW July 2009. I would like to say to Terri, GA has excellent books for compulsive gamblers. I don’t like polish GA meetings as well, not because of any urges or impulses but because I don’t like personality clashes, gossiping and the mens’ club atmosphere. Dear Carmen, it was the same with me. Stick with WHW for strength. I was like you; it took a lot of hard work to change, to be confident and to love myself. No pain, no gain" as they say in GA. .And thanks to Joanna Franklin for her honesty: “We really don't know why some folks start early and others later, why some are severe while others stay mild. Some have a clearly progressive gambling disorder and others do not. Truth is...we just don't know." Love you Isia

Randy MINNESOTA
Minnesota
7/1/2009


Hi Marilyn . . . Randy from Minnesota here. Just read the newsletter and in particular the article from Carmen in California. Her well written article brought back memories of where I was 5 + years ago. I can only pray and trust that God will save her as He did me and show her that we do have choices after all. I eventually learned to give up my self-appointed God jobs. The first job I had to give up was judging myself for the past. Working one day at a time, I realized that each day was the first day of the rest of my life and I can choose to be the person I want to be that day. Each day I can choose to be "brand new" and with the help of my Higher Power begin a day of new growth with new people, places and things. The friends I've accumulated in GA are gifts from God to help me become a better person. What more could I ever ask for? I am grateful because I have all that I need, not want. Carmen's letter which was so heart wrenching to read, is what I need to continue to remember what it used to be like and what it is like now. Peace at last !!! Please let her know that it has helped me to be ever mindful of gratefulness. Thanks Marilyn. Take care, love ya! Randy

Valerie MICHIGAN
Michigan
6/12/2009

All I can say right now is, I will write a more official comment soon but for now just know that I feel your book should be required reading for everyone who knows anyone with a gambling problem--especially professional counselors. I have jotted down a gazillion notes in the margins of the book! You have taught me so many things that I will share with my clients and colleagues. Tomorrow I am going to a seminar for counselors who work with gamblers, and I will carry your book and encourage everyone to purchase, read and learn!!! For so long I have felt that women gamblers (as women in most all diseases/disorders,etc.) are the forgotten group. Most studies and information relates to men and the women seem to be included as an aside. I feel so inspired after reading your book and feel I can go forth with a better understanding and a better approach to my women clients. I've tried to start a women's group for the female clients I counsel but have been minimally successful (1 or 2 and then 3 and then 1 and then none--they always have a 'reason' for not being able to attend). I haven't given up and I am going to use some different methods and keep trying because this is something I really feel I want to do. Anyway, I could go on and on and on...but the fact is you have enlightened me as no other book or video has on this subject, and I feel like I am able to approach this with more vigor knowing I'm on the right track. Thank you so much. I will keep in touch and be glad to write a review. Just point me in the right direction. Oh, by the way...I have to mention the one very special quote I recall was about how when someone dies...'Our deepest feelings can't always find their way from our hearts to words....' I absolutely love this. It touched my soul!!! And, so did you. I hope one day to meet you in person. Are you available for seminars? I would absolutely love to mention your name to the NSO and MAPG to have you present here in Michigan at one of our seminars for counselors.

Ivy ALASKA 5/20/09
I live in Alaska, and good morning to you too. Today, like yesterday I am at home with no care-taker for my daughter. She is multi - handicapped, and I have lots of time to think about things. I know that I don't want to live with the gambling frenzy, it's consuming my life and replacing me with anger and evil spirits. I hate it and feel so helpless, like with my daughter. My life is so consumed with providing, and people taking and giving. I had no where to run but to gamble because I could forget about it all and just focus on the gambling. Hell with everything else. Well not anymore. I need to take a good look at myself and figure it out.

Cindy CALIFORNIA
5/14/09

Hi marilyn....yes, I remember you mentioned that you are writing another book. That's great! We need it! You mentioned grieving when we stop gambling and I'm very familiar with the grief I feel when I give up gambling. I think I'm an adrenaline junkie because I love the stimulation of the slots and I feel an absolute rush when I hit something big, which I have many times. Learning to feel content with less stimulating pasttimes is the task I must do and also breaking the habit. It is a habit that can be broken, like any habit can. I'm reading Ernie Larsen's stuff right now and his work around habits is informative to me. I went back to school at 42 and did two masters degrees back to back. It was hard work, but a good investment. Now I am a professional counselor. I like your idea about getting into something creative. I have a wonderful guitar and I used to play and sing, write songs and also used to draw and paint. Would like to be creative again. No gaming today, my friend.......hope you have a nice day.....Cindy

Alexa GREECE 5/14/09 Dear Marilyn I am sure you know that at moments when one is at the edge, a simple kind word from another human being can make all the difference. You did not write anything out if the ordinary in your short message but I was crying aloud when reading it. I never asked for help before. I am still not sure what made me write to Arnie and just let it out. It was Friday, my birthday, I was 35 and knew for sure that my life was ruined irreparably and my son would be left alone. I do not know what is/was more despicable at that time - my self-hatred or my self-pity. I tried killing myself, and it did not work all the way as intended, so all I got from this attempt is more self-loathing. I do not usually go to church, and when I tried this as a possible solution, I just stood in the corner and cried silently till the end of the service. I did not feel I deserved any help - at least not THERE... I am SO grateful you wrote to me. I'd try to keep sane... what literally kills me is that I still have so much to lose, I value my family dearly. I know perfectly well what I OUGHT to do... yet I am ruining it all. Thank you for allowing me to speak out. Alexa

Linda ARIZONA
5/14/09

I have come to see that there was a gradual decline in my focus on recovery and I allowed the surrounding situations to take precedence. By doing that, I provided a crack in my protection against the temptation of hiding in the casino when things became too overwhelming. Dumb, but also humbling and I think I was becoming too cocky and needed to be brought down a peg or two. Regardless, I see the errors of my ways and I recognize the pattern and the outcome of my behavior and sure don't want to go there again.

Will write again soon and for sure I will keep you posted on my climb back up.

Love ya, Linda

Cindy CALIFORNIA

5/10/09

Gosh, marilyn, that is so unbelievably nice of you to offer to sponsor me on email. If I could have yesterday, U would have emailed you. What happened is an old friend who works at IGT and designs slots (and is himself a gambler who struggles with it) came by to visit. He was in town to see his mother, who is my age. Ge is my son's best friend. He and my son both live in reno. Anyway, we started talking about the machines, and by the time he left at 1 pm, I was fired up to go play my favorites. I couldn't talk myself out of it. I had the whole day ahead of me, some money built up in my checking account (from not gambling for almost a month) so it was a recipe for disaster. I stayed in the casino longer than I wanted because they were having a big drawing for a car and other stuff. I am so in love with certain machines, it's just pathetic. I feel more love for some of those machines than i've ever felt for anything else (excluding people). I just adore certain ones. It's a true addiction, like heroin. I had friends years ago who got into heroin and I remember them talking about how divine it felt, that's how I feel about certain machines. They mesmerize me, a real sickness.

You are so kind to offer and I will keep in touch on email. I won't be demanding of your time, I promise. Just to know you are there is wonderful. I have a female friend in GA but she struggles like I do and can't get m uch clean time. All my other women friends don't know about my gambling, or don't understand it if they do know. One is a gambler herself and has never been to a meeting. Someday she will go, I know it, as her problem is developing.

Tonight I'm reading Earnie Larsen's "Stage 2 Recovery" and it's ringing several bells.....thanks again for your kindness and I didn't go to the casino today. I did contact them to have my self-ban put back in place. It was on for a year and removed, at my request, in January. There are really only 2 places I really like to play. They're both nice, clean, good resatuarants, etc. The other ones around here are dumpy and too smoky. I'm banning myself from all of them. That helps to some extent, although I've been known to sneek in. Last november, I snuck in, hit a $2000 jackpot, and had be escorted out when they found my self-ban in their computer, because I triggered a tax form. they did give me the money though.

Thanks Marilyn......Cindy

Cindy CALIFORNIA

5/9/09

I am really struggling to get some clean time under my belt. I've been battling this addiction for 14 years (i'm 62), and did have 2 years clean at one point about 4 years ago. Can't seem to get it going again. It's so baffling to me. Today I just feel so discouraged. I live alone and have no one to answer to, which makes for too much freedom. in the process. I am gradually draining the limited savings I have, and I have horrors of being homeless one day, which could very well happen if I keep it up. I still work part-time and am partially retired. Will never be able to fully retire, and that's probably a good thing. I've been reaching out more, going to a church that's middle of the road (wouldn't be comfortable in an evangelical one), also going to AA meetings just to be with others who are fighting addiction. I don't have a drinking problem, but they don't seem to mind my sitting in.

We only have one G A meeting a week here, even though there are 5 indian casinos within 40 minutes of me. One meeting a week isn't enough for me and it's a small group, not enough people with clean time for me to have one as a sponsor. I need a sponsor BAD!! Yesterday I could not talk myself out of going to the casino. Couldn't even begin to find the little voice inside that might have talked me out of it. And just the day before, I had my whole weekend planned with non-gaming things to do. I was even looking forward to a Mother's day brunch with friends, but I was too depressed today to go. I'm really at a loss for what to do. and yet I know that all I can do is go forward, keep trying. I'm glad for this website, Marilyn. Thanks for all your work. Anyway to get an online sponsor that I could maybe call at times like yesterday?

Thanks....Cindy in california

Darcey H. WISCONSIN
5-7-09

Hi Marilyn,

I have a lot to say. First off I would like to apologize for not writing in a while. Last time I posted a comment on WHW was I believe April 2007. I was 23 yrs old, pregnant with #3 and in the start of a divorce. My mind was in a very bad place at the time. I couldn't stop going to the casino. I had spent $30,000 in a year. I didn't like the person I had become, I didn't care wether I lived or died. After visiting the WHW website and reading and posting comments. I was so inspired by some of the other womens stories that I made a promise to myself and my family that I would do all that I could do, to stop this addiction.

I want to let you know that June 1, 2009 it will be 2 years of not gambling for me. I can't tell you the sense of relief I have for having beat this addiction so far.It is amazing the freedom I feel when I go shopping now, not thinking about how to spend the least amount of money so the rest can go to the casino, not worrying about what I have to do to get money to go. After taking a year apart from my husband, he and I have recommited to each other and continue to work through our problems. My life is finally starting to get back on track, and I am enjoying life again. I want to thank you for your support and hope someday, I can inspire someone else to stop gambling the way you and so many of the other women on WHW have inspired me.

Gambling has caused so much destruction and chaos and I am still slowly picking up the peices and rebuilding the trust, but I am confident that I will make it through.

Thank you and God bless,
Darcey H.

Ann, CA CALIFORNIA

5/6/09

Thank you for this wonderful web site. As you know I have over 9 months now and will always be in recovery and there is no cure and if anyone thinks
there is they are wrong.

I cannot go back to the casino and plan not to go back. So for me I look at each day, hour and minute as a step forward when I do not gamble.

I love you Marilyn,
Ann in California :-)

Penny, AZ
5/6/09 ARIZONA

Hi All,

I found WHW on March 17^,2008 and was/am so very grateful. I did not gamble for over one year. I broke that wonderful monthly count in March. However, my birthday gift to myself on March 30, 2009 was to fill out the form from the AZ Gambling Commission to not allow myself in to any of the casinos! I have been doing great now for 35 days and plan to continue moving forward. I wanted to thank you all for being here and for being the people I can share these things with, without judgment!

Marilyn I wanted to add that you book is FANTASTIC! I had ordered in early last year and read it cover to cover non-stop! Since a set back in my recovery I’ve read it again and loved it just as much if not more the second time around. I thank you so much for sharing your story and congratulate you on your recovery!

Take care,
Penny

Cindy ILLINOIS

5/4/09

Hi Marilyn
I am just curious what happened to the guestbook? I know that I enjoyed going there and posting my thoughts and frustrations about this addiction, I haven't visited in awhile but it was always a comforting place to go, vent and read others struggles and try and respond to help in any way I could emotionally is that not an option anymore? I was just curious. It is still an amazing website and thank you do much for sharing it.
Thanks again
Cindy

Mary G. ARIZONA

5/ 3/09

Just finished reading the latest WHW and it dawned on me that it is 10 years old. Happy Birthday WHW! Always read every word and it just keeps getting better.

Thanks for all the past 10 years,

Mary G., Arizona


5/ 3/09 AUSTRALIA
Helen

Greetings from Australia. I am feeling stronger after my visit to the counsellor and have started to work through a lot of deep seated issues that I have been carrying around with me for most of my life and feel much more positive that I can now deal with the gambling issues and thinking that it was 'TOO LATE' was holding me back.

Will keep you updated with my progress. Thanks for caring Marilyn and the May issue is very interesting reading.

Love Helen

Aqamak ALASKA

5/1/09

Hi Marilyn, thanks for conitnuing to email me. I'm still here in Alaska staying off the bet. I stumbled for a couple months at the begining of the year, but I'm back off the bet. I know you had said that maybe sometime I could write something to put in the monthly newsletter. I hope you can use this, this was something I blogged about after finding out that a friend of mine whom I went to treatment with took his own life. (The article this young lady sent to me will be in the June issue of the Newsletter.)

Isia POLAND

4/30/09

Thank you for the WHW May 2009 I am happy to see Joanna's Franklin article – forgivness. Teri E. is from AZ - if you know her -tell her I love her "What I can describe, however, is my emotional, behavioral, and spiritual change over the past three years..."I am happy for her. Debi D. "a selfishness that happens when I gamble. When I used to gamble with a friend, I didn't care if they were tired, especially if I wasn't out of money yet" Frances from Arizona "...I was in a relationship where I was being cheated on constantly so he never knew or cared where I was during those times..."YES, YES, YES -THE SAME WITH ME
Tim Falkiner "...But giving money to the machines was never going to bring Judith's father back,.. "YES -it is about me as well

Isia from Poland

Mary ARIZONA
4/30/09

Hi Marilyn,
Just finished reading the latest WHW and it dawned on me that it is 10 years old. Happy Birthday WHW! Always read every word and it just keeps getting better.
Thanks for all the past 10 years,
Mary G., AZ

Judith CONNECTICUT
4/30/09

I haven't been to the website because the last three (3) times I attempted it, I was directed to a gambling site! I had www.femalegamblers.org as the web address. I noticed on this email that it's now www.femalegamblers.info I think that's the reason you haven't heard from folks. Hope this helps clear up some of the confusion.

Love, peace & serenity
Judith N. from CT

Lee MISSOURI

1/31/09

I just received your book in the mail from Amazon.com. I can't put it down. I don't want it to end. I can relate to all of it. It has sure helped me the last few days. Your website has helped also. When I feel compelled to go to the casino, going to your site and reading a little at a time, has so far stopped me. I am just astounded at some of the things you write about, because I can so relate. Especially about not being able to leave if I am ahead, once I am inside those walls my brain does not work right, I just can't leave. One of these days I will submit my story to your site, it is a sad sick tale. I guess I am a "escape" slot gambler. It has been 2 weeks since I gambled. I was planning on going tonight with $100.00 and going very slow on the slots. I have decided to do something else.
Thank you very much for your book Marilyn.

Lee, Missouri

Karen CALIFORNIA

1/31/09

San Diego, CA

Hi Marilyn: as promised, it’s been two years! I made it, girlfriend….one day at a time. I had my cake (and ate it too <smile>) while celebrating this peace of mind, this serenity. My life has changed so much since I don’t gamble anymore. The first year was difficult, second much easier. Although this is a life long sentence, I’ve forgiven myself for being “stupid, weak, etc.” during this past year and I’m continuing the process of healing, growing and loving life. Case in point, I’ve started climbing mountains and my goal is to finish the 7 summits over the next years. Another compulsion you might think? Probably, but a heck of a lot healthier and definitely much more rewarding. Off I go to Argentina next week to finish Aconcagua. Wish me luck. For all you women/men out there who are still suffer ing….follow the lead of others who have been in the program. You can try, at least. Go for it. Until next year, Marilyn. God Bless and Thanks for the Site.

Karen H in San Diego

1/29/09 CALIFORNIA

Ann, California

Greetings Marilyn and all who read Women Helping Women,

After close to 7 months of not gambling I am starting to see a little light at the end of the tunnel. All is not great but things are much better than before, and I won't ever forget before. I still have a major hurdle to address and that is not something I am looking forward to, but I did this and have to make it right. I am still a little scared but I have been making baby steps and they do not hurt too bad.

I want to encourage all, that it does get better over time and no matter what we do nothing will change as long as we keep on gambling. I still think about it at times and probably always will, but I choose for today not to gamble and make that decision each and every day. Some days are harder than others but there are weeks at a time when I do not get that little itch. When I do get the itch I try and scratch with something else. I am one bet away from self destruction and pray that it does not happen and pray for all who need help.

If you can, please read Gripped by Gambling as it is what each and everyone is, only at different degrees of the financial scale. This book will not stop you from gambling but it may make you think about the consequences and those are not too pretty. I loved the book and think Marilyn is wonderful.

Love you,

Ann in California :-) :-) :-)

1/17/09 CALIFORNIA

Sue, California

I got your e-mail address from the Women Helping Women site. I can't stop. I am here because I can't stop. I have blown through so much money, am about to get a big check and am terrified I will blow through that with nothing coming after it is gone. I am a single gal. I'm alone and have too much time on my hands. This allows the demon in my head to take over. The one who says, "It's only money. Let's have some fun." But it's not that fun. Not anymore. My life has changed entirely as a result of my addiction. I am like a prisoner to it. I have a secret life and I want my old life back. The innocent life I had before I became a slave to that nagging voice in my head that constantly tells me to hop in the car and drive to the casino. I am desperately trying to stop - but it's not working. This is the worst thing that has ever happened to me. I feel utterly helpless to the urge to play slot machines.

I have to tell you the things I have gone through and put others through as a result of my gambling and it makes me want to crawl into a hole in shame. I am a smart, attractive and educated woman and I feel as though I am locked in an abusive relationship where I get beaten to a pulp on a regular basis but have so little sense of self left, that I just endure. It is absolutely unbelievable to me that I have sunk this low. So, yeah, I will try/read/go to anything, anywhere at this point to get this fanged monkey off my back.

Sue, California

12/27/08 NEBRASKA
Carol
Yes, Marilyn, I am still here and just celebrated 4 years clean on December 22. Thank you for all your encouragement back in the day when I was still out rampaging. The answer for me was desperation combined with putting myself into an outpatient treatment program with an excellent therapist. I have been attending individual therapy and group at the agency since 2004. I needed a lot more help than 12 step programs in my area offered. Life couldn't be better for me now. Carol from Nebraska

12/17/08 ARIZONA
Arizona

This is Betty C., testing stuff at the new website ... and asking all the readers who find the new URL for the "Women Helping Women" newsletter www.femalegamblers.info to pass the word about the new address. Update on yours truly: This past October I celebrated 9 years of the arrest of compulsive gambling in my life and a truly blessed recovery! Feels GREAT! Hi to all my WHW friends, old and not-so-old. God bless and keep all of you during this special season and throughout the coming New Year.

Love, Betty C.


11/13/08 MISSOURI
From Cathy
Today is my 3 year anniversary of being gamble-free! I've spent some time today thinking back to how my life was 3 years ago - to remind myself how far I've come. Much has happened these past three years - most of which has not been easy, but definitely worth the effort! 3 years ago, I had lost my job, ruined my finances, deeply hurt my family and almost lost my freedom, all due to gambling. Today, thanks to good counseling, a supportive family, lots of hard work and the unconditional love and grace from God, my life has turned completely around. There is hope, there is a way out! Keep trying - don't give up and you can beat this terrible, life-stealing addiction! Cathy - Missouri

Ann CALIFORNIA 11\6\08
Hello Marilyn and all who read the guest book, Thank you for this web site as it is one of my daily reminders not to gamble and I can honestly say I have not gambled in almost 5 months. Quite an accomplishment for me and the first time in the last five years that I have really worked at recovery. It has been a struggle at times because now I am taking care of myself better and addressing all the issues I let slide when I was self medicating with a slot machine. It does get better as time goes but not without commitment to not gambling. Thank you Marilyn for taking the time to be a friend as we are all just alike when we have this addiction. Take Care Ann :-)

Dear Marilyn, AUSTRALIA
I wanted to thank you, and to comment on your wonderfully, honest, open and inspiring book "Gripped by gambling". My name is Suzi. I am a Compulsive gambler in recovery, my last date I gambled was 5/7/08 so I am 5 months clean. It is still very early days for me. Reading your book has been so helpful for me - to further understand my own addiction and to get some encouragement and inspiration from someone of your experience.
I currently attend GA in my area. I live in Australia. Most of the members are men and the few women who come often but don’t stay. We are just starting to get a few more regular members. I know how long it took for me to walk through those doors. I was terrified of what I might find and the drive there felt like “the green mile”. It was the best thing I have every done since I stopped gambling. Connecting with others who understand and share my addiction and recovery has been vital but I am especially interested in getting more women members to attend.
I would love to start a Women only meeting but know I am only early days into recovery as well as I wouldn’t want to offend the other male members. I would love some suggestions.
Thank you once again and God Bless. Suzi
ARIZONA
I have been addicted to gambling for a little over 10 years and am at the end of my rope! I want to end this way of life and get my life back. I have thrown away thousands of dollars and hurt my husband, children, friends and most of all, myself, with this addiction. Finding this web page shows me there is hope and that I too, can be a recovered gambling addict in time. I need help...NOW
I am amazed by the numbers of helpful and hope-creating articles and words of encouragement I have found on this web site. I have been searching for a long time for others who know what I am feeling and how I got to where I am with this awful disease. It is unbelievable to see that I am not alone in this as I have felt for so long. All I can say is thank you. For sure I will keep in touch and let you know how this new journey of healing is going.

Ann CALIFORNIA CA 09/23/08 Greetings, This message below is for Penny and all of you who really feel helpless and hopeless please believe me when I say it is not easy. I have been there and I always wanted an instant cure - but there is none. There is recovery which is a lot of work, but it is so worth it. Think of not having to lie, cheat, steal and all the other really crazy things we do when we are gambling - that is what recovery is all about. It has not been easy for me at all, but I think of all the work I put into my gambling habit and I know I need to put more into my 'not gambling habit' to recover. I have not gambled in 10 weeks, and have struggled at times, but I remember how I felt when I was gambling and do not want to feel that way again. Remember we are not sick because we gamble - we gamble because we are sick. We are all here for each other and understand each other. By the way, this is a wonderful site of inspiration. Ann

Penny CALIFORNIA Riverbank, CA 09/11/2008 I really enjoy this web site. I'm going to get the book that is suggested "Gripped By Gambling". I'm having a very hard time with this addiction, which I find harder than drugs could ever be! Although, I've never been addicted to anything else, but compulsive Gambling. I'm ready to change my life for good or I feel like my life is slowly killing me! The Gambling is killing me inside! It's also destroying my family! I feel like I'm the worse case there is! If there was a pill for a cure. I would take it. I really hope this book helps me out! Thank you, Penny, Grandmother

Ann CALIFORNIA CA 09/08/08 Greetings Marilyn and all, I want to thank Marilyn for her willingness to share and take the time to talk to me. Her book is amazing and a real reality check for those of us who even think of going back to that life. Thank you Marilyn! It is almost two months since my last trip to the casino and I am responsible for not going back. I am currently working on step 1 which may take a while but I have plenty of time. None of this is easy and I am scared at times but I have to do this for the rest of my life. Ann
Suzanne CANADA 09/07/08 Ladies, If you have not yet read Marilyn Lancelot's book called Gripped by Gambling, I suggest you rush out and get yourself a copy. You won't want to give this book away. You'll treasure it forever. I met the author a few months ago and I was deeply touched by her willingness to e mail me and to befriend me and to become my internet sponsor. I am now re-reading her book for the second time. Marilyn, truly you are a courageous Warrior for women. I have never had to fight anything so cunning as this addiction. Yet, here I am not gambling and not wanting to gamble, just for today. Read the book!!!!!!

Karen CALIFORNIA San Diego khinsd@aol.com 08/28/08 Hi Marilyn: Just wanted you to know it's been 19 months yesterday. God, it's good to be this far along the program. I hardly think about gambling, I'm going through the steps...with setbacks occasionally, which is good and true...but moving forward without looking back. My toolbox is full of things I can do when times get tough, but since your website was the first step into acknowledging my problem/compulsion/addiction, I always want you to know how important this website is. Hopefully, everybody signing on here will eventually find GA and the way. Again, thanks for all your work.

Jamie WISCONSIN Milwaukee, WI jmarlis1125@yahoo.com 08/23/08 I am six weeks shy of one year gamble-free. Last year at this time, I didn't care if I lived or died. Nothing mattered, not my husband, not my kids, not even winning a jackpot. I remember crying after winning all my money back one night, because I couldn't go home and go to bed. I couldn't leave until it was ALL GONE.
It's hard to think about and remember...but if I forget, I will be right back there.

Terry in Florida FLORIDA
Tkaatmanrn@aol.com
8/14/08

Wow, just stumbled on your site. I should give my testimony for your site...or is it just for women. This is Terry, you replied to me a couple of times and I took your heartfelt words to heart. I have not gambled since 3/30/2008, two days after the love of my life Sharon said goodbye to me. We have e-mailed and been to lunch, even went diving together once. Last week, we met at our favorite little restaurant on Anna Maria Island. I live in Florida. It was a pleasant lunch, a Christian hug on meeting and leaving but no talk of us together. Hard to go back in time. She loved me so much. We were to be married June 14th of this year. Her words, "Terry it was not the Gambling that broke us up Our relationship was not going forward but backwards. You could not share your true heart with me. I cannot handle lies and deception...if you had told me about the gambling instead of lying we could of gone forward but to lie, I will not tolerate it. Maybe as friends you can share your heart with me and be honest."

That was over 4 months ago. I was just so scared at the time to tell her the truth for fear of the same thing that happened, her leaving me. The truth shall set you free, is in the Bible and is my mantra from now on. My name is Terry K. and I am a compulsive Gambler. I have not placed a bet since 3/30/2008..now 135 days. .Thank you Jesus. Such peace and serenity now, though lonely without the love of my life Sharon. A tough trade. The Gambler inside me wanted it all with no losses. It did not work out that way this time. I thank God we are still friends and who knows what His will is. Had to stop gambling. My life is 1000% better but lonely. I am happy for your recovery, what a story...God bless you.

Your friend in recovery Terry K..

Ann CALIFORNIA CA
8/14/08 Greetings, I am happy to share that it has been five weeks since I placed my last bet. It has not been easy since I have been trying this whole year to stop but I have more clean time this year then the last five years, which may not mean much but the difference is that now I have two feet in GA and recovery and none in the casino. I have a lot of fences to mend but that will come in due time as I can only do one thing at a time. I am very happy to have the opportunity to be part of this network and pray that each and every one of you can find the help you need.

Cheryl N. MISSOURI Kansas City, MO
08/14/08 Excellent website!

Joan PENNSYLVANIA

Pennsylvania

minnyme1215@yahoo.com

8/10/08

My name is Joan and I am from PA. I am a compulsive gambler and have been attending GA meetings now for about a month. I have not gambled since 07/08/08. I wanted to write to say how helpful your website has been to me. Reading the articles and comments have gotten me through such hard days. I cry a lot, I cannot believe that I could have done something like this, I feel so alone sometimes. There are days that I manage to get through and then there are days that I beat myself up. I remember a time in my life when I wasn't gambling and life was wonderful, don't get me wrong it wasn't perfect but I managed. Things in my life changed a few years ago, I could not deal with issues in my life and turned to gambling on the Internet, it consumed me for hours and I forget the problems that I was struggling with even for just a short time. I began to shut out the outside world and the computer became my friend, FRIEND!!!! no not really but is was my way of escaping what I should of been dealing with, I would sit in front of the computer for hours and not think about anything. I thank God for the GA meetings, I have met some truly amazing people, that are there for me and I really would like to find a sponsor in my group, they say to use the phone list and I have, I am taking it one day at a time, believing in myself, and with the help of friends, family and the LOVE Of MY LIFE I know I will get through this.

Kris TEXAS
Dallas, Texas
08/07/08

After reading these comments I realize I am not alone. I am a compulsive gambler. I have gone to GA however was very uncomfortable because a frequent member spoke to me after a meeting one night. He was rude and abusive and made a comment that "I would not stop gambling if I did not come to every meeting." Something I can not do because of my work. Anyway, I fight the need to gamble everyday. And I do not know why I enjoy spending loads of money on a slot machine. Yes, I have won numerous jackpots. One time I won $17,000 but that's long gone plus plenty more. I spent savings, college fund, 401K and the ironic thing is I owe a lot to the IRS because my winnings put me in a higher income bracket. I have maxed out credit cards and have terrible credit. I have skipped out on markers that I owe. I am just amazed that I continue to stroll down this self destructive path. I have a good job and my husband does too...he is still with me and knows I have a problem but does not know how bad. On top of everything when I tell him I am going to the casino, he says okay! I have slowly stopped because the longer I stay away the easier it gets. And God is yelling in my ear not to go. I was headed to the casino yesterday after not going for 2 mos. and my car overheated. So I did not go. It is the toughest thing I have ever had to try to get control of. I am praying A LOT.

Kris, please send me an e-mail, I'd like to talk to you: mslancelot@cox.net. I won't post it in the messages.

Ann CALIFORNIA California
8/06/08
Greetings Ladies,
I hope this web site can be as helpful to you as it has been to me. Each day I take a few minutes to read and take in all that is being said here. This is to remind myself that I do not want to be where I was before and that I am thankful just for today. I have a lot of work to do but I believe facing the consequences of my actions is also a reminder that today is all I have. I am a compulsive gambler and in recovery for life! ............ Ann
Penny CALIFORNIA California 08/04/08 hotnana67@yahoo.com I'm having a serious problem with my compulsive gambling. I'm about to lose my house, my marriage is on the rocks! It seems like I always want to escape to the casino, because at the time I think it makes me feel good. Not true at all! I cry on the way home I swear I'm going to quit, over and over again. I hate myself for the way I am. I feel like something is missing in my life. I lost my dad 2 years ago and I still cry. My mom is in a nursing home and never will return home. I've stopped going to church and I know I need to turn to God and I have several times. It doesn't ever go away inside of me! It's literally like a driving force and I'm not in control anymore. I wish I didn't think about gambling, but most of the time that's all I think of and how fast I can get there! I've lost about $80,000 and I still tell myself it will be better next time. Every time I get done after 12 straight hours of just slots. I still feel awfull and I don't know how to kick this disease! Two nights ago I lost all of my husbands pension check for the month. I was so afraid to go home I thought it would be better to take all my Ativan and maybe this would all go away! I didn't do that or I wouldn't be typing right now, but I need serious help, because I'm so sad inside. I used to like "me" and be outgoing! I've isolated myself and feel like this bad urge to "gamble" won't leave me alone! Will I ever have a normal life again? Every time I look for help at treatment hospital or wherever they do that kind of thing, insurance doesn't cover it and it's only for the rich and famous people. So, I don't know what to do anymore? Sincerely,
Penny
Ann CALIFORNIA California 8/01/08 Greetings, I want to encourage everyone that each minute counts when you are not gambling. I want to share a little something that happened to me this past Sunday, which may help in the encouragement department. This past Sunday I went to the Spiritual Life Center service, which is by the way, great for folks in 12 step programs because it is all about having a better spiritual and everyday normal or as normal as you can be life. The topic happened to be about "What IF" which I am always worried about especially with the challenges I am facing. Our pastor was telling a story about what happened to him quite a few years back when he was behind in his car payment and what would happen to him if he did not make the payment. Hello --- isn't that something as I am behind in my car payments, and saying to myself isn't that ironic that I sit here worried about the same thing he is talking about. I know I was in that place at that time just so I could face my fear. To make a long story short I did have a talk with him after the service and he prayed with me so that I would no longer be scared to make that phone call. I made that call and things are ok and I am not going to lose my car. That was the first of may calls I have to make and I will make them one at a time. So one call at a time and I know things will be resolved for me along this road of recovery. Believe me I have done so much damage the last few years that it is scary to think of cleaning up so much, but it is something I have to do so that I will never forget how I got here and remember why I don't want to be here again. Today I am better than I was yesterday! Ann
Ann CALIFORNIA California 7/28/08 Greetings Ladies, I love this site and really appreciate the wonderful job Marilyn and all of you have done here. I have been taking everything one minute at a time and taking my recovery seriously. I have never made it work before as I really did not have my heart in it and so just kept relapsing every so often causing much more damage each time. I do not want to gamble any more. Have a great day. Ann
Suzanne CANADA Quebec, Canada marc.sue@tlb.sympatico.ca 07-24-08 I'm Suzanne, a compulsive gambler and the author of "I discovered I had been raped" in the July 08 issue of the newsletter (3rd story). Never have I found so much hope as I have through this website and meeting new people all the time through live chat rooms for gamblers. All my life, I felt different from other people, like there was something really wrong with me that made people weary to have anything to do with me. Having had 10 years in AA as a sober alcoholic, I just couldn't figure out the incredible difficulties I was experiencing with my attempts to give myself a normal life. Now that I know about my past and am healing (very well thank you very much to the Lord), I no longer feel any different than you as a compulsive gambler. I gambled to escape my loneliness and my emotional pain. The way I used to think was that I had not been very lucky in life (and I wasn't), so why not gamble and see if I can win. Well, I did win money, a lot of times. But nothing felt alright inside. Guilt, a deep sadness from the violent crimes committed against me as a small child, angry at God, angry at my lot in life. So you know my friend, I ended up even worse than before because not only was I pissed off at the world, I was also broke and had no cash to comfort me. Ah, how very pathetic I was. But God, as I understand Him saw past my anger and sadness and decided to give me a Great Huge Hug from Heaven. How, you may ask? By allowing me to try something totally different from my normal behavior. So I ended up living in the country with my ex-boyfriend, Marc. He asked me to be with him because he was alone and so was I. I came to be with him and for the 1st 2 or 3 months, I had so much pain in me that one day I started to yell at God and to cry in a way that would move anyone with a heart to comfort me. I discovered that after I had let go of the torment of my mind and spirit - suddenly I found that I wasn't so sad anymore, I wasn't crying every day, my appetite came back. And Marc didn't seem so scary to be with (yes, I have an issue with men). Now I'm in month 4 with Marc and we are making plans for building an addition to the home, go grocery shopping together and lead a very humble and simple life. July of this year has brought me sadness at the untimely death of 3 good friends in one week. Yet, because I have GA online and a program, I was able to get through a very very difficult month. I could go on and on and on with my life story. Suffice to say that there is a Greater Force for good in the world that is called God by most people and that Force is making Itself known to us addicts. I have so much to thank the Lord for and I do everyday. Am I cured of gambling addiction? No, I'm not. But I'll tell you ladies something and it is that I'd rather be sitting in my living room, listening to the birds chirp, wolves howling at night, a million beautiful silver stars, trees swaying in the wind and eat fresh radishes and tomatoes from my garden, than sitting at a stupid machine sweating at the anxiety I feel and cussing at the machine for taking all my money. Will I ever cease to wonder at the workings of this Beautiful Lord who deemed it fit to save my life. Say yes to God, He won't let you down. Greetings from Canada Suzanne

Helen MARYLAND
MD
tcbizlawn
07/24/2008 (Helen, your email address was not complete so I can't email you???)

I am glad to find this site. I have joined CG and realized that I am not alone and that other women are going through the same emotional roller coaster that I am going through.

I ask myself, how did I get addicted to gambling when I was looking for an escape from the stress I endured in my home and with my family.

Recovery is not easy and it is very hard to stop gambling but I will keep trying and try to get myself back on track and continue to attend GA meetings and go to counseling.

I am glad this website is here.

Sandy WISCONSIN Wisconsin foot_ballfan@hotmail.com 07-24-08 It has been two weeks since I have gambled. I went to my first GA meeting which is over an hour away from my home. My husband was kind and willing enough to take me. It was a wonderful meeting and the people were very nice and good to the "newcomer." It was very interesting and soothing to hear their stories. I have concluded that I am not alone or should I say, We are not alone. It is amazing what this baffling disease has done to people and what it can do to people. I am continuing to take one day at a time and I am doing the best I can. It is really scary and I only hope that I can make it to my next GA meeting (Sunday). My higher power willing I can succeed. If anyone would like to email, please do so. Your words of wisdom will go a long way for me. (foot_ballfan@hotmail.com). Take care.
Ann CALIFORNIA California amray@ucdavis.edu 07/22/08 I am happy to have found this site. I have book marked it and read it every day. I read the same articles over and over just to remind myself what I no longer can do. Like most of you here I have been on a roller coaster ride for the last five years and cannot gamble any more. My last date to gamble was 11 days ago on July 11th. I have been in and out of GA for last few years and never took it seriously. I get lots of clean time and then for no reason at all I feel I deserve to go out and self destruct a little more. Sadly, medicating myself with gambling has not worked, so for me it stops here. I have gone back to GA and will work whatever I have to, to keep myself from gambling. No more excuses it is time I take responsibility and clean up my mess. You see no one trusts me anymore so I have to do this, but you know that I can and will. Ann
Suzanne Quebec, Canada marc.sue@tlb.sympatico.ca Date: 072408 I'm Suzanne, a compulsive gambler and the author of "I discovered I had been raped in the July 08 issue of the newsletter" (3rd story). Never have I found so much hope as I have through this website and meeting new people all the time through live chat rooms for gamblers. All my life, I felt different from other people, like there was something really wrong with me that made people weary to have anything to do with me. Having had 10 years in AA as a sober alcoholic, I just couldn't figure out the incredible difficulties I was experiencing with my attempts to give myself a normal life. Now that I know about my past and am healing (very well thank you very much to the Lord), I no longer feel any different than you as a compulsive gambler. I gambled to escape my loneliness and my emotional pain. The way I used to think was that I had not been very lucky in life (and I wasn't), so why not gamble and see if I can win. Well, I did win money, a lot of times. But nothing felt alright inside. Guilt, a deep sadness from the violent crimes committed against me as a small child, angry at God, angry at my lot in life. So you know my friend, I ended up even worse than before because not only was I pissed off at the world, I was also broke and had no cash to comfort me. Ah, how very pathetic I was. But God, as I understand Him saw past my anger and sadness and decided to give me a Great Huge Hug from Heaven. How, you may ask? By allowing me to try something totally different from my normal behaviuor. So I ended up living in the country with my ex-boyfriend, Marc. He asked me to be with him because he was alone and so was I. I came to be with him and for the 1st 2 or 3 months, I had so much pain in me that one day I started to yell at God and to cry in a way that would move anyone with a heart to comfort me. I discovered that after I had let go of the torment of my mind and spirit - suddenly I found that I was so sad anymore, I wasn't crying every day, my appetite came back. And Marc didn't seem so scary to be with (yes, I have an issue with men). Now I'm in month 4 with Marc and we are making plans for building an addition to the home, go grocery shopping together and lead a very very humble and simple life. July of this year has brought me sadness at the untimely death of 3 good friends in one week. Yet, because I have GA online and a program, I was able to get through a very very difficult month. I could go on and on and on with my life story. Suffice to say that there is a Greater Force for good in the world that is called God by most people and that Force is making Itself known to us addicts. I have so much to thank the Lord for and I do everyday. Am I cured of gambling addiction? No, I'm not. But I'll tell you ladies something and it is that I'd rather be sitting in my living room, listening to the birds chirps, wolves howling at night, million of beautiful silver stars, trees swaying in the wind and eat fresh radishes and tomatoes from my garden than sitting at a stupid machine sweating at the anxiety I feel and cussing at the machine for taking all my money. Will I ever cease to wonder at the workings of this Beautiful Lord who deemed it fit to save my life. Say yes to God, He won't let you down. Greetings from Canada Suzanne
Sandy WISCONSIN Wisconsin foot_ballfan@hotmail.com 07/20/08 I have not gambled in 10 days. My compulsion started just about five years ago. At first it was a little entertainment every few months with friends, then it got to be whenever I could get away or when I had the money. I owe money to everyone, keep borrowing more "Rob Peter to Pay Paul" and have finally realized that I am very tired of it all. I work two jobs to pay off my debts. My full time job pay check is controlled by my husband and my part-time job pay check is controlled by me and I have wondered why I even have the part time job when I use it to gamble. It was supposed to be used to pay off my gambling debts. This last part-time pay check is the first pay check in almost a year that I didn't use to gamble with. I paid bills with it--finally. A total stranger helped me to reach my bottom. The last time I gambled I was at a casino that closed at 2 a.m. on the weeknights. Well I wasn't done gambling, I still had money, so I drove to another casino that was open all night. Slot machines have my attention and that is my drug of choice. While sitting at a slot machine at about 5 a.m. a woman came up to me and needed help. She needed to get home, but didn't have any gas in her car. She had no money left, no credit card, no check book and didn't know how she was going to get home or who to call. She looked and sounded desperate. I would say she was in her mid 40s to early 50s, very pleasant looking, very polite and when I noticed her while walking around the casino, I noticed she was playing a one-cent slot machine and she had around 300 credits ($3.00) and was only betting 1 per spin. After I sat down at a random slot machine, my mind starting wandering and I thought she is running out of money and just can't bring herself to leave. News flash -- been there, done that! I wanted to help her and if I would have had any extra money I would have; but you see, I was down to my last $20.00, spent all my money and couldn't help her. I knew exactly how she felt--panic, despair, frustration, etc. There have been times I prayed I would make it home on fumes when I didn't gas up my car before hitting the casino. I don't have any credit cards or a checking account to fall back on and this stranger helped me reach my bottom. This site is wonderful! I refer to it every few days for hope and inspiration. GA meetings aren't very close for me, but that is my next step. I think about the casino almost every minute of every day and then I go back to that nice lady and realize that my life will not get better if I don't. It is a terrible addiction. I never thought it would affect me, but it has. One day at a time is all I can do. If any of you would like to email me with your words of wisdom, please do. I would appreciate your thoughts. Thank you for listening.

This message is for Terry in Texas. I tried e-mailing you the information on a chat room on-line but the e-mails were returned to me. If you send me one to my address: mslancelot@cox.net I will send the the link to the chat room.

Sincerely,

Marilyn

Suzanne ARKANSAS Jonesboro, AR suzmonst@my.wgu.edu 07/15/08 I came to this site while searching for responsible gaming information. I want to be sure I don't become addicted to gambling so knowing warning signs is a good strategy. I have major depression with general anxiety disorder and I know what it's like to seek escape. A BIG CONGRATULATIONS to Suzanne from Canada for showering twice in a 2 day span!!! I know EXACTLY what that's like from over 15 years of treatment. I still have times I'll slip in taking care of myself. Keep up the good work!!!
Pat MASSACHUSETTS MA 08/07/08
Your site is very useful.
Sue CANADA Quebec, Canada marc.sue@tlb.sympatico.ca 07/08/08 I'm 19 days without gambling. I absolutely love this site. I had no hope a short while ago and I could not talk about my gambling problem with anyone. No meetings in my town, only AA. Hmmm, what's a lady to do? I got hooked on gambling from the very 1st time I put a $20.00 bill into the slot machine. I couldn't have known how very low I'd go to continue. Back then, in March of 2003, I didn't have much going on in my life. In fact, my life was already a mess due to post traumatic stress disorder, depression, poverty, disability. So I really didn't care about myself. Today though, everything is different. I met Marilyn from the 1st day I found this website and began recovery right away. I live in the country but maintain a room in town where I go every weekend. The nearest slot machine is a mere 15 minute walk from my place, so ya, temptation lurks and rears its ugly head. I found that I became stronger by the day every single time I chose to read about this addiction, to attend GA meetings online, to communicate with my new and wonderful GA internet sponsor. I can't keep my blinders on any longer. There is a light at the end of that tunnel, there is hope, there is a lot of work to do. I'm off to the city tomorrow (July 9th, 2008) to bury my friend Jim who killed himself on the 4th of July and to be with my little girl, Jenny, who lives with her foster family. I doubt very much if I will gamble. I'm too damn scared to even entertain such thoughts. So hang in there ladies, 'cause if this desperate, nervous wreck can grasp onto the rope of hope, then so can you. We are not alone anymore and no I won't be shocked by anything you have to say. Blessings from above, Suzanne
Tiffany ARIZONA Arizona Date: 06/08/09 I haven't placed a bet in 107days. I have been a compulsive gambler for 7 years. It is possible to change your life and stop gambling. YOU HAVE TO HAVE THE DESIRE. That's so important. With that you must have support, the best support you can get is from GA. People in GA understand where you've been and they know how to help you make it one day at a time.
This is a very helpful website for women. It has helped me, I have the desire to live. A compulsive gambler isn't living. Daily I pray for all the women still gambling. If you have access to a GA meeting please go. This disease will trick you into thinking you can do it alone. God Bless and Your all worth it, Tiffany

Joanne CANADA Manitoba, Canada 07/07/08 I have been a compulsive gambler since my mid 20s. Now I am 37 years old and been trying to kick the gambling addiction since 1999. I have gotten myself into a lot of stressful financial situations and vowed to quit each time. I am usually gripped with embarrassment and shame during those moments but eventually I find myself playing VLTs again. I hate it. I did try to attend GA meetings, read the 12 Step program, and sought counselling. Nothing has really stuck. I often envy the people who can put in $20 and then walk away. My desire to win and then win my money back keeps me in front of those machines. I have managed to keep this addiction a secret from many people. My boyfriend is not aware how bad it gets at times. I have gambled hundreds, even thousands of dollars away and often get angry at myself. Thinking of what I could have done with the money instead of plugging it away in the machine. I ruined my credit rating and have filed for bankruptcy twice (currently in my 2nd one). Meeting me in person, you wouldn't have an idea of my illness. I am about to have my first child and want to rid myself of this so much. I would hate to have my child suffer from the same situation. Coming to this website has brought some relief. It is good to know that I am not the only one suffering.

Sue PENNYSYLVANIA
Philadelphia, PA mckayhome5@aol.com 07/06/08
I have been on this site before and had a relapse, first slowly, now on the brink of destruction. It has been 6 days since my last bet. I don't ever want to gambling on anything again, not just because I am at the bottom because I think I was at the bottom when I first started gambling. I think I will recover this time. Too bad, I will be 60 years old next month and I have wasted over 20 years of my life. I was on this site a couple of years ago and I was not going to the casinos but I still played the lottery. Last Monday was the worst, I was writing checks and I knew I did not have money in the bank. I made myself sick. I do not want to ever gamble again.
Sue
Mary Lynne CANADA Canada gamarylynne@yahoo.ca 07/3/08 Thank you for this website. I spent over an hour reading and felt compelled to add my own comments. I am a 61 year old woman, have been gambling for 30 years, was mostly bingo and racetrack, until the vicious VLT's hit here. Then I was compulsive almost from the beginning. I attended my first treatment centre in 1998. I was only successful for 6 months. Had numerous relapses and restarts at GA. In 2006 managed a whole year and received my 1 year pin at GA. Was a wonderful accomplishment for me. But short lived. I have become a casino addict, the slots have me for sure. I can manage months without gambling fairly easily now, however, when the urge comes I seem to have no ability to fight it. Not only that, I almost want the misery again. That is what is making me most crazy. I hate the gambling, don't care of course, if I'm winning or losing, long as I am in action. Mostly am losing and then of course, takes me forever to get out of the mess.
I have not had a credit card since 1986, I am barred from the casinos and still sneak in. In January had a small heart attack and in March a major one. Had some stents put in my heart and vowed to change my lifestyle. I am very overweight, smoke like a chimney, and of course have the lovely gambling addiction. I have considered suicide more times than I want to remember but am enough of a gambler to think tomorrow something wonderful could happen. It is not that I want to be dead, just want the misery over.
I have had good experiences with GA in the past, but, in my small town, after all my new starts with the program, there is not much support for me. People say, "keep coming back". But when you do, they roll their eyes and cough and snicker. Truly..it hurts like hell. For a time I thought it was my own guilt that skewed my perception, however, a few people told me they saw it happen to me and to others. I cannot face the humiliation again. I am quite prepared to do on-line meetings but face to face is out here. I gambled yesterday, only lost about $400 which is small potatoes for me. Usually drop $500-1500 a visit to the casino. It included my rent money though and I am in a seniors apartment and they also are not very forgiving of lateness in rent.
I know there are dozens of reasons why I gamble. My father was a compulsive gambler, I had abusive relationships. My last ex ended up murdering his common law wife and I am glad to be alive. All of that is unimportant. I have been an adult for a very long time and am running out of time on the big clock. What I want to know is how I can hold on to the tools I have been given. When the urge hits me, I can't even recall I have a toolbox of recovery gifts. I am happiest when I have not a penny in my pocket and all my bills are paid.
I know this is a very mixed up commentary, but then, I am a very mixed up person. Am very grateful for finding this website and intend to visit daily. Thank you for letting me share, I really needed to vent.

Danielle FLORIDA Tampa, FL Dani0315@gmail.com 07/03/08 During my appointment with my counselor this evening, he loaned me Marilyn's book, Gripped by Gambling and suggested I read it. I have already finished the first three chapters. It's inspiring. I have recently sought help for my compulsive gambling and have high hopes of being able to control it.

St.Paul, Minnesota MINNESOTA ringerjo@msn.com 07/03/08 I'm not a woman but have an interest in helping other CG's. This appears to be a great site for women and I would recommend this site for those who are having difficulty achieving recovery through GA or other any other means. I have found in my 4 years of recovery that we are all quite similar in our stories and only the minute details differ. Our past haunts us and keep us in an addictive thinking mode until we are ready to let go absolutely and be the person we always wanted to be . . . one day at a time. Today we have choices. We can learn how to look at things differently. As Dr. Wayne Dyer says in his book "The Power of Intention"; "I changed the way I looked at things, and the things I looked at changed." We are BRAND NEW today, this moment in time; nothing will repeat itself exactly, we can choose to look for positives in our life or we can choose to continue to see and seek the negatives. It's an amazing difference when we train ourselves to become "positive" people and be grateful for where and who we are. Let go today and let GOD of our understanding, handle our problems. We need only be Honest, Open and Willing. Willing to do anything to arrest this insidious illness. I need to take my medicine as if this were a physical illness. Hope this site remains a successful place for others to learn and tell their stories. We are GOOD people with a bad problem!

Kathy MICHIGAN Michigan 07/02/08 Hello to all!!! My gambling story is typical, as most are. This insidious disease creeps up on us before we even realize what is happening. I was caught in the grip for about eight years and almost lost everything important to me. I now have been free from action for two years, two months and twelve days. I allowed myself to dwell in gambling hell, knowing it was a problem and wanting so bad to get out, yet making excuses at the same time to allow myself that out to continue to gamble. I hit bottom and still wanted to go to the casino. PITIFUL? No, I am not to be pitied because I have control as to whether I gamble or not. It took me a long time to realize that my excuses, justifications and rationalizations as to why I just couldn't walk into a GA meeting, couldn't afford a counselor, couldn't be honest with anyone about my shameful behavior were all just bullshit to allow me to continue to gamble-accountability is a scary concept, but, absolutely necessary for recovery. As long as everyone else is responsible for all of the issues in my life, I remain the victim I have allowed myself to be in the first place and will never grasp the facts-there is only one way to quit and it is to just quit!!! Yes, when we are active that is almost impossible to conceive-if you are still gambling think how scary that sounds. And then remember-you have a choice!!! For the first four months of my recovery, I attended GA meetings twice a week and saw a counselor once a week-it wasn't easy-it was very scary. I then chaired one of the meetings for ten months and due to a job change haven't been to a GA meeting in about the last 10 months. It has been a long time since I have dealt with any gambling urges. Today I am sitting in the transplant unit of the Karmanos Cancer Center in Detroit, Mi watching my 27 year old daughter fight for her life as she recovers from a stem cell transplant last Friday to rid her body of Hodgkin's Lymphoma, a blood cancer!
I am surrounded by casino's and have had several invites to join groups of people in the evenings from the guest housing I am staying in-and the urges have been powerful. I am in a vulnerable state and it would be so easy under the circumstances to "slip". At first I thought, "I can't do that to my daughter, or my husband" and then I thought, "I can't do that to God or to myself and that's what really counts." God has brought me out of the depths of despair, I couldn't have made it any other way and I have worked too hard to arrest the addiction and continue to strive to become the person I have always wanted to be to throw it all away and for what? Gambling was not fun-it made my life miserable and I allowed it happen-I am in control, by the grace of GOD. So, I don't mean to sound abrupt, but, the only way to stop is to STOP. There are tools available all around us we just have to take the first baby steps. I am a compulsive gambler and I now know that is never going to change. I was thinking I was beyond it, after this past two weeks I realize it will always be there, but I make the decisions and that is empowering. There is such a sense of freedom unshackling ourselves from the grips of the disease. So thank you for the site-as soon as I knew the urges were getting strong-this is where I turned. I hear so much intelligence and strength in all of the entries-believe in yourselves and that you deserve better and then turn to your higher power. Ladies-please pray hard for my baby girl. Traveling this journey with her, which has been going on for almost twenty one months, has put so many things in perspective. The tests will keep coming, but every time I prevail, again by the grace of God, the foundation gets stronger and life is so much more worth living.

Kathy CONNECTICUT East Haven Connecticut July 1, 2008
Dear Friends, It has only been 9 weeks so far, but I am hanging in there. I go to this website almost daily for inspiration. This is my GA Meeting, since I don't relate very well to meetings. I also have a counselor, and so far, after about 10 years of messing up with gambling and drinking, I am determined to try to live a life without the Casinos. Oh, don't think I am not reminded daily through ads, and billboards. Two casinos are just 45 minutes away here in Connecticut. The largest in the World. But I am keeping busy daily with other things in my life, some stressful, some not so stressful, and I try to eliminate thoughts of slots. I have reading materials when the urge sets in, and find them to be helpful. Good luck to all you ladies who are struggling with me. We need to stay in touch, and continue to visit this website. Thank you Marilyn, also. If it were not for your website and your book, I don't know where I would be today. My Prayers to all of you.

Kathy LOUISIANA Epps, Louisiana
06/30/08 joeclevland@bellsouth.net Hello to all: I was not aware of this website until my GA sponsor called me this morning just home from the National GA Convention. I spent 10 years of my life lying, stealing and who knows what else while in a gambling addiction. Finally I just couldn't take it any longer and turned myself in for a crime I committed in order to gamble. It has been almost 3 years since that date and I am still in pre-sentencing for the crime. I have good days when I can see past tomorrow and then I will have days when I can't see tomorrow at all. My GA brothers and sisters have helped me cope with the uncertainties in my life and have given me strength to face tomorrow. Right now I have to remember "One Day At A Time". Kathy C Louisiana


S.P. CALIFORNIA Petaluma, CA 06/25/08 writesuzyp@yahoo.com Thank you for putting this web site out there for those of us still suffering and just realizing the depth of our self-created hell. I will attend my 1st meeting this week. I've already heard my story on this website. I never thought I'd be one, and I never knew it was so prevalent. Thanks again.

Cindy WISCONSIN
Milwaukee Wisconsin
06/21/2008 angeleyesvirgo@yahoo.com
What a wonderful website! Thanks to one of my GA friends I finally found a place to hang my hat and call home on the web for my compulsive gambling addiction. Thanks GA women of America!

Jamie WISCONSIN
Milwaukee, WI
6/14/08 jmarlis1125@yahoo.com Thinking about what to write, I look outside. The sky is such a magnificent shade of blue, the trees in my backyard are swaying in the wind. My 3 beautiful, amazing children are playing so innocently on the swing-set savoring their popsicles. This is my life today, my heaven. This brief but totally perfect slice of life is what keeps me in GA. Finally, I feel alive as a mother, as a wife, as a woman. I recite the serenity prayer...now it's time to fold the laundry and wash my 2 year old son's face. His older sisters put makeup on him--This is my life and I wouldn't change a thing :)

West Chester, PA PENNSYLVANIA
Hitting this site by chance as I am researching a paper on women and compulsive gambling was a humbling and refreshing experience. Of course I'm there, struggling to get out and stay out. I've prayed, I've cried, I've promised, I've tried. Yet I am pulled back to that slot machine that I have willingly allowed to rob me of my finances, my dignity, and my self-esteem. I am determined to beat this. God is on my side. Thank you for your website. I know I'll be back regularly for a visit.

P.S. West Chester, if you send me your e-mail address, we can talk through the Internet.
Kimberly B ARIZONA Glendale, Az. letsgoracin88@yahoo.com 05/29/08 What a blessing this site is. God, my higher power gave me the courage to crawl into the GA Program. I am so grateful for the sisters, like Marilyn that God placed in my life. I was so touched by her book, that I know the journey wasn't easy at all for her. It truly is a blessing to me as well, knowing that God, will take me through the journey of a new and wonderful life, just as she found one day at a time. I will forever be grateful to her, for giving all she has given of herself to all of us in recovery. We can all be happy, joyous and free if we truly desire it. To all my sisters in this addiction thank you so much for welcoming me and giving me the gift that God has given all of you. Acceptance, I understand it now, I am powerless over gambling and my life did become beyond unmanageable, and I have found that Gift from God to restore my sanity. I pray I will to thine own self be true and embark on a wonderful new way of living like all of you. I am not alone anymore!
I still have a lot of work to do, to prevent another relapse. I truly believe I will die if I go back out there into that pure hell. Because the remorse and the guilt and pain I caused my children and my friends, loved ones, is truly beyond anything I ever imagined. I want to die peacefully with this disease arrested in me. I love each and every one of you sisters in recovery truly, the same way you love me.

Bonnie OREGON
Gresham, Oregon boniru@comcast.net 5/27/08 It has been a while since I have written, though I used to write regularly. I have been in Recovery from compulsive gambling since March 25, 2007. Prior to that date I spent 7 times in "in-patient" treatment for my gambling addiction. I was at Algamus two times and just noticed that my councilor, Susan, from there, just posted a message. Hi Susan, I miss you! My life today is so much better than I ever could have imagined a few years ago, when I was so very "caught up" in compulsive gambling that I felt like my Life had become a Living Hell. I kept relapsing after periods of 1 to 5 months of abstinence, and each time I relapsed my gambling progressed to such a degree that I was on a highway to Prison, insanity, or death. I truly began to believe that I was one of the unfortunates who would end up dying in this disease, and though it pains me to have to say this, there were times, when death looked looked like a better option than Living in the Hell of gambling out of control. I finally came to the place, the last time when I was in treatment, where I realized that if I truly wanted to Live and maintain long term abstinence from gambling I had to change the way I had been going about it. Obviously, the way I was Living was not conducive to the Recovery I so desired, but which had eluded me. They say that the definition of insanity is doing things the same way, over and over again, expecting different results. By this description, I truly was Insane! I had been going to GA meetings, seeing a gambling councilor regularly and reading a daily meditation book. I prayed, but not every day and I read GA literature. I felt like I was working a "Good Program", but, for me. it was obviously not enough. I needed to make some changes and I had to do something differently than what I had done in the past. For me, this meant becoming disciplined and that has never been one of my strengths!! By discipline, for me, that means committing the first 45 minutes to an hour each week day morning, doing what I call my week day "Ritual". I wake up and make my coffee (first things first. LOL!!!) then I sit at my kitchen table and read 4 meditation books, slowly enough to digest what I am reading. Then I pray. Each day in my prayers I turn my will and my life over to God (step 3) and ask that he would guide and direct my path and that he would show me "the next Right step" to take. I then write 5 things I am grateful for in my Journal and then I journal a page or more about what is going on that day, how I am doing and such. After I journal, I sit down in in a chair in the living room and I close my eyes, relax, and do my deep breathing affirmations for about 7 to 10 minutes. That's it, my week day "Ritual". This "Discipline" has truly changed my Life!!! I do not allow myself to get into worry and negativity, which I was so apt to do in the past. I have been called a "ruminator" by Dr. on more than one occasion!! LOL!!! I could worry myself sick and did so on many occasions. I believe a lot of my gambling relapses were my "Unhealthy" way of escaping the almost constant chatter, many times negative, going on in my head. No longer do I allow my self to sit and Ruminate!! I turn things over to God, and for the most part, I actually leave them with him!! I too have read Marilyn's book "Gripped by Gambling" and recommend it to any one struggling with a gambling addiction. I actually have been able to quit another long time addiction, smoking. After 33 years of smoking I have been smoke free, One Day at a Time, for 4 months now. In June I will celebrate 30 years of Sobriety, again, One Day at a Time. I am so very Grateful to God and all who have been there for me on this Journey. May God Bless you All! Bonnie

Deb ARIZONA Phoenix, Arizona jhtfjm44pat@cox.net 05-25-08 I'm back... I wrote a couple of weeks ago for the first time, because I was overwhelmed by my gambling. I went a few weeks without gambling, but I went back to the casino today. In fact, I just came home from the casino and I am in such a financial hole. For the past couple of days, I have been having thoughts about returning to the casino. I kept thinking that if I could just win a jackpot, then maybe I could get my head above water with my finances. Well, needless to say, I am further in the hole. I don't know how I will ever get out of debt. I can't borrow money from my family or friends, because I've burned those bridges. I thought I felt bad before, I can't even stand to look at myself in the mirror right now. I am an intelligent and educated person, and I can't find a way to stop this insanity!! I don't have money for food, rent, or gas. I wrote two checks at the casino today that I know will bounce and I have six payday loans. I am so financially tapped that I don't know where to begin to get back on my feet. They say that you have to "surrender" but I'm not even sure what that means?

Susan D FLORIDA Tampa, Florida AlgamusRockHill@aol.com 05/22/08 COMMENT: RE: GRIPPED BY GAMBLING If anyone out there has not read Marilyn's book, I would strongly suggest that you do. I related to so much of Marilyn's life...we could have been related. We are fortunate to have lots of female gamblers in the Tampa and surrounding areas and most of them have now read this book. Some of the women in our rooms found themselves angry with Marilyn as they read...they reported the "mirror image" feelings (how could she do this and how did I do the same thing)....all were mesmerized and all praised her for her openness and honesty. Thanks Marilyn for a no-hold-barred honest book about addiction

Vicki B MISSISSIPPI MI human53@yahoo.com
May 21, 2008

1st time here. Great site. Keep up the good work!
Anonymous
May 21, 2008

My first experience with a slot machine was at age 12 - I snuck out of our Vegas hotel room to play, won ten dollars, and ran back up to my room. I was terrified that I'd win a big jackpot and they'd check my ID. At 12. I could pass as an adult, but barely. I started gambling compulsively a year and a half ago. I was desperately in love, and my "partner" of two months left me, without explanation. My cousin and I were visiting our family in Vegas, and instead of just sitting in the casino, where our grandparents preferred to spend quality time with us, my cousin and I decided to play and drink free drinks. We knew it was "wrong", but had a dedicated what the hell attitude. We had fun, too much fun. Gambling gave me escape from my feelings of shame and worthlessness. I lost several hundred dollars that weekend and didn't care. When I came home, I immediately looked up casinos in the area, trying to recapture that fun and escape, and found that there were several within an hour or two hour's drive.

Jamie WISCONSIN Milwaukee, WI jmarlis1125@yahoo.com 05/20/08 Hello everyone!! In the last week, I have made a new commitment to my recovery and to GA. I don't like to focus on my clean time (though I am proud it's been over 7 months), I want to focus on what I am doing today to live and breathe recovery. GA IS my family...my lifeline. "Why me" doesn't matter anymore, IT JUST IS. Yes, I am a compulsive gambler, but that does not define me. That is such huge realization for me. Lots of love, Jamie
Lisa MICHIGAN Michigan ljlomas@yahoo.com 05/19/08 To everyone:

I just made it to 60 days, gamble-free. One day free from gambling makes a difference; one week; one month. 60 days is an accomplishment for me. I've been a compulsive gambler for 15 years and been down the road to recovery before. This time I'm focused on getting back a real life; not my guilt or what I've done or how to pay back my debt. I'm focused on changing my old habits and rediscovering my life; to be able to think normally. Freedom from gambling has allowed me to think clearly. The debt is being paid back (slowly), but "I'm" more important than my debt. "My life & family" are more important than the debt.

I'm thankful for every day.
I'm thankful for work.
I'm thankful for GA & my Higher Power.
I'm thankful for my counselor.
I'm thankful for the opportunity to start over.

60 days ago I was desperate; disgusted with myself; hated what my life had become; overwhelmed with shame. When I'd come home from the casino, I looked like I just took an "ugly pill" (as my counselor calls it). Today there is a different person in that mirror.

To anyone who feels like a slave to gambling, don't give up hope. Reach out to someone for help. We're here for you.
Lisa
P.S. Thanks Marilyn

Sharon FLORIDA Tampa, FL 5/18/08 lajiraffe@hotmail.com My April 2, 2008 call to the Florida Council on Compulsive Gambling as mandated by my employer, and the subsequent treatment sessions with a Certified Gambling Addictions Counselor as well as regular attendance at GA meetings since that date has changed my life!!!!!

Karen CALIFORNIA San Diego, CA karenhinsd@aol.com 05/16/08 To all the guests writing in: there is no other way than the GA way. We have a saying in our group: "No Matter What It Takes." If you're ashamed or scared or "feel" you cannot connect with your group...than, YES, shame on you for not wanting to do whatever it takes to get away from this addiction. Stop "feeling" and start thinking. Remember the feeling that got you here in the first place. This is not just about you anymore, it's about those around you that you destroy right along with you. Let's face it, the time you lost, the money you lost, the dignity, the self-esteem, the love, all while playing and giving your life away to "them." Guess what, when you stop going, you think "they" care? Do whatever it takes, go to GA, there is no other way. Ask any of us who are staying clean. It's one day at a time, slowly and surely, you will break free. Do NOT give up, follow the book and the recovered gamblers. We've been were you're at. One day at a time. Karen

Cindi ARIZONA Arizona 05/15/2008 Wow! I'm overwhelmed with emotion just reading the stories and telling myself this is me, this is me! Last night was the worst night of my gambling life. It's been a short one (2 years), but very destructive. My boyfriend took me to my first casino 2 years ago and I found that I could get lost and no one would know who I am and no one would care! As a single parent, who works two very demanding jobs, it's nice to just sit and not have anything asked of you. It's also nice to have people smile and hand you money. But somewhere in the fun, I became lost and lost very fast. I'm tired all the time, I'm tired of losing money I've worked so hard for and I just don't enjoy it, so why do I go? How do I stop? I'm too shy and embarrassed to go to GA. I think I would sit and cry the entire time of the meeting. I'm scared to death of what is going to become of me. I've read where death is good, and yet, I don't want to die, but I don't want to ever go back. I'm tired, so very tired....I'm not sure why life has gotten this difficult (yes, I really do know why) and it's all because of some machines that promise you something and don't deliver. I don't drink, the cigarette smoke bothers me so bad that my eyes tear up for days after I do go and yet I continue to go? If there something else than GA out there, could someone please email me and let me know. I'm going tonight to buy Marilyn's book and I'm so very grateful there is a book out there to read and keep with me. Thank you to everyone and I wish everyone well and help with this horrible disease. My birthday is in a few weeks and I've told myself I can make it all the way to my birthday and not go. That's my first step, that and trying to find forgiveness in myself for completely stepping off the deep end and being so absolutely stupid in myself. God Bless...

Cathy CONNECTICUT East Haven CT 05/12/08 Dear Marilyn, Thank you for this website. I feel so much better after reading how others have been helped through group contact. I have decided to make 5/3/08 my last Casino visit. I refuse to finance the casinos any longer. I plant to continue to attend counseling and will begin GA this week. I am fully committed, and will keep you and others updated. I am turning this over to a higher power, at last. Cathy

Deb ARIZONA Arizona jhtfjm44pat@cox.net 05/10/08 I just came back from the Casino where I lost every penny I have. I don't understand why I can't stop this insanity...I am so depressed. I stumbled on this website and have read most of the emails. Please help me...
Toni ARIZONA Phoenix, Arizona 05/09/08 I placed my last bet on 02-24-08 and I attended my first GA meeting on 05/01/08. I am 52 yrs old and have gambled for 27 years of my life, I have attended several GA meetings here in town and had the pleasure of meeting Marilyn Lancelot and I have to say that she is one inspiring LADY. Marilyn handed me a copy of her book several weeks ago and once I started reading it I could not put it down, I stayed up all night after the meeting reading the book and shed many tears. Today I could not attend the GA meeting this evening and I sit here now trying to think of a reason as to why I couldn't attend and my only true reason is because I don't connect well with large groups of people and I just don't feel that I fit in with this group. Friday nights and Saturdays are the hardest for me so I felt that if I could attend GA meetings on those 2 days it would keep me out of the casinos, but I sit here now and even though it has been over 60 days since I placed my last bet !
I can honestly say that the urge to go is still there. I have never utilized the phone list because I just don't feel that I should burden someone else with my thoughts, fears or my problems. Maybe I should have forced myself to go to the meeting this evening. So instead I pulled out the card with the information to this site that also was given to me by Marilyn and read everyone's input and I do have to say that after reading the comments posted and also with the help from my higher power I did not give in to the old urges of wanting to escape into old habits. So I have to give my thanks to God for giving me the courage to fight the urge to gamble today and I also need to thank Marilyn for providing me with a little card that held the the information to this site. One day at a time and with that I'll be back. Thanks for listening.

Tiffany ARIZONA Arizona 05/04/08 I'm pretty new at attending GA meetings so the days and nights get a little long between them. This website has been great for me because when I'm feeling alone and the urge to go gamble I come right to this website. Thank u

Cindy CALIFORNIA
Yuba city, CA
cindyo7@comcast.net
04/27/08

If you have an email list, that you send things to, please put me on it.

Thanks, Cindy

Susan S. WASHINGTON
Olympia, WA
USA
Email: susank_12@hotmail.com
07/30/07

I really love this site. I come and read it all the time and it helps me tremendously in my recovery. I have been in recovery for 10 1/2 months, and although it is a short amount of time, the change in my life has been incredible. I am starting to like who I am again and the "fog" of my addiction is lifting. I just want to encourage any woman out there that has not sought help yet, to find a Gamblers Anonymous meeting, although it may be hard to walk in that door, it will be the best gift you will ever give yourself.

Also, if anyone wants to email me, that would be great.

Rose N. ARIZONA
Sun City Arizona
07/08/087

Dear GA Sisters, Every time I read the news letter and recognize all those wonderful women who are like myself who are in recovery from their addiction; I know that we are all sisters united through the Gamblers Anonymous program striving for continued courage to remain abstinent. We can and will prevail, "one day at a time." And for those struggling, hang on and I know you'll make it!